A Triumphant Pursuit

Two Years & Two Months.

2011-11-11T21:31:00.003+03:00

It has been that long since I last posted in this place. I'm not sure what drew me here today; but whatever it was, it made me nostalgic to days long gone. Where have we been? Well, I guess you can say we've been "surviving" the hectic days of medical school.

It was a long two years and two months. So much has happened, too much to fit these humble pages. Our lives have been a series of crossroads, and after jumping from one to another, we now find ourselves looking back at what were the most memorable days of our lives. We welcomed new family members, and lost some dear friends. We experienced pain in all its forms, and we laughed to the point of tears. We learned, and we learned, and we learned through every single moment. If I had to sum it up in one word, I would say that we have changed. Hopefully for the better.

Our Triumphant Pursuit will never come to an end; it's a lifelong journey. One which up until now has truly been worth the ride.

May your days bring you insight and strength and fulfillment; the best is yet to be.

Savvy Doc.

Two Words.

2009-09-11T19:31:00.005+03:00

It's the little things that matter, and it's the little things that usually go unnoticed.

This is a Thank You..

To those who have made a difference in our lives.

To those whose presence gives us faith that there is still some good in the world.

To those whose kindness constantly inspires us to become better people.

To those whom we sincerely cherish in our hearts.

For being there, for being you.. I am forever in your debt.

Thank You.

Savvy Doc.

People Talking Without Speaking*

2009-06-01T15:37:00.000+03:00

Depression robs you of your sanity, and you experience a major lapse of reason. You no longer comprehend the words coming out of your mouth nor do you see who you are talking to. You say things you regret soon after and hurt people you care about. You wish you stopped yourself but it’s too late now.

Exams are here. Welcome to the jungle**.

Mental.

*The Sound of Silence – Simon And Garfunkle.

**Guns ‘n Roses.

Seriosly there is no Better Title than "حسبي الله و نعم الوكيل "

2009-02-06T03:05:00.002+03:00

الحمد لله على النعمة، الله يديم علينا الصحة و العافية

I was just watching a show today, on LBC, it's called "أحمر ... بالخط العريض", which means "red... in bold". This is my second time watching it and seriously, praise goes out to the inventors! Jazahum Allah 5air! They invite people on the show, who have experienced a wrong doing by a group of people, they invite those that can prove whether they were really wrong done, and they also invite someone who has actually "participated" in the wrong doing, under cover, giving them the choice at the end of the episode to show who they are, after a severe interrogation! You'll understand more...

Today's episode, I'm still crying, and I'm not being too dramatic!
Has humanity sunk that low. It was about medical malpractice. They invited four individuals who believe that they were victimized, two very successful doctors, including Dr. Malibary, the head neurologist at KAU, and a doctor who remained undercover, who just disgusted the hell out of me!

There were many stories on the show, but there are two that affected me the most.

The first story was of this Egyptian woman, who was in her ninth month of pregnancy. She isn't very rich, and people who aren't rich have to resort to polyclinics, now I'm sorry but the truth here is that we are talking about Egypt, and there aren't many hospitals that are good there (out of experience) for a random polyclinic in a poor neighborhood to be good! She went for just another check up, she wasn't experiencing any labor signs, no cramps nothing. The doctor did the check up and told her to wait in the clinic, because she was going to give birth, and he was going to do a Cesarean. She trusted him, so she agreed. When she went into the operation room, she heard the doctor tell his nurse "Didn't I tell you to clean the instruments and cover them? Oh well for the next patient", her heart stopped, she told him she didn't want to do the surgery, but he reassured her, and she had nothing to do but to go ahead. Everything is good, she now has a healthy baby girl, except that all of a sudden, a few months after the Cesarean she starts feeling this sudden pain in her stomach, she explains it: "it's as if someone poured gas inside of me and lit it on fire". She went to her doctor asked him whats wrong, he refuses to help her, she goes to other doctors, with this now hardening mass in her stomach, still they refuse to help her. Until one doctor finally agrees to help her, with the condition that she takes responsibility for whatever the outcome of the surgery is. I think you all have come to the conclusion that the original doctor forgot something inside her? and that is exactly it, he forgot a piece of cloth, , her stomach/ intestines began to stick to this piece of cloth which created huge complications. She got it removed, she didn't have money for the operation so she sold her house, and on top of that she was told that she can no longer have any more children. So, in his right mind what does her husband go and do? He divorces her, because it's the only sane thing to do to the sick mother of your children (you son of a B...). So now, she's sick, with two children, all alone, no father, no siblings, a burden on her family, and there is no one to help her! When the health department decided to help her, they went to the clinic, and said that it was an unhealthy place for any major surgeries to occur, there was out-of-date anesthesia being used! So, it was so wonderful to hear that they put the clinic out of busines... for a month! yes, a month, during which the doctor who originally operated was practicing medicine in a nearby clinic...

I suppose the only really good thing about this was that, when the presenter asked her what was her dream, she said she wanted to visit Mekkah and go to the kabba. Al7amdullillah, an anonymous Saudi , donated 11000 Egyptian pounds as well as a trip to Saudi Arabia to do omra.

Bare with me because the next story will make you... I don't know!
So, the undercover doctor. Three cases of medical malpractice. Ignored, in fact manipulated by his chief, so that they are not filed. The case were all the same idea, accidentally pierced an artery, patient dies, unsterilized room and instruments, patient dies, little girl with anyurism, stressed her before the surgery, didn't wait for her mother to come... patient dies. Do you know what he told the families, "Shu badna na3mul, Allah beyreed" .... WTF! Yeah Allah wrote that they will die but you A-O, you had the choice, Zay ma Allah beyreed Allah i36ak 7urriyit i5tiyar Al6areeg al9a7ee7.... and he has no remorse, in fact he was laughing when he was telling the stories... LAUGHING!!! I am so glad he didn't uncover his identity, because if he did I would have made it my personal ambition to kill that bastard! And he has the nerve to say that he is a good doctor with a great resume! Can you even fathom that!!? I swear to god, i am getting goosebumps at the thought that he doesn't realize what he has done... Mistakes happen, but you admit to them you fess up, you don't pretend that everything is okay, you don't manipulate the truth. You take responsibility! The stories where so unbelievable, that the doctors on the show couldn't believe him, Dr. Malibary said it seemed like the stories where fabricated, out of how unbelievable they were!

As the presenter was asking the anonymous doctor whether he wanted to reveal himself or not (which of course he didn't) the Egyptian lady, whose name is Hind Nawwf, passed out on the floor. I couldn't find anything to say what happened afterward, if she's okay or not, I hope she is. I pray innu rabbana yishfeeha wi yirfa3 3annaha wi ye3alli maratibha. Yarab teshoof awladaha yikbaru wi yi9eeru ash6ar wi a7asan awlad fil 3alam! Allah yirzugha min3indu wa7id ibin 7alal yintabih 3alaiha, wi yisa3idha ya rab!

Wi Allah la yiktub 3alaina, that we make any mistakes in our careers or that any mistake happens to our loved ones!

iDoc

2008-11-24T20:58:00.004+03:00

“A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. "Never leave that till tomorrow", he said, "Which you could do today." This is the man who discovered electricity. You'd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd say it had a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong. What if you make a mistake you can't undo. Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor."

"The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the poets urging us to 'seize the day'. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying." -Grey's Anatomy, Season 1

Untitled V: When The Music's Over.

2008-10-28T17:51:00.004+03:00

I feel their stares piercing though me, I know they're looking.

They can sense my vulnerability, as soon as I walk in through that door, faster than a shark smells blood.

I'm not wearing anything out of the ordinary: a black t-shirt, jeans, a white lab coat that is one size too large and my stethoscope in my pocket. They know I'm lost, underexperienced and vulnerable. Oh-So-Vulnerable.

Who will you be seeing through next year?

"When the music's over, turn out the lights.
For the music is your special friend,
Dance on fire as it intends.
Music is your only friend, until the end" *

Sincerely,
Mental.

* When The Music's Over – The Doors.

Does it happen?

2008-10-01T23:46:00.003+03:00

What is going on? seriously..
I feel ... empty, like someone has literally carved my insides and left me in the sun to dry.
No feelings, emotions, beliefs... just numb!
im being verbally asaulted, taunted, backstabbed... and i dont feel
No physical or emotional pain, kind of heavenly in a twisted sense.
Not to care about what's being said about you, not to ache, not to regret, feel ashamed or remorse... to basicly STOP caring!!
But i feel dead, like ive lost my purpose!
Just put on a smiley mask every morning and pretend.. all day long, everyday... just pretend... and i dont feel!!
So what IS going on?? does this happen to anyone but me???
???

Loud..

Small & Large.

2008-09-06T23:21:00.003+03:00

Too often we hear it said that it's the little things that matter. The compassionate thought, the random act of kindness, the friendly smile.. They always tend to make a world of difference. But how can you recognize the little things while keeping your eyes on the bigger picture?

We walk around continuously forming thoughts and opinions about the world around us. We're baffled by the mysterious tiny incidents that impact our live in ways we never imagined possible. We dwell on the small occurences that suddenly seem to change the world. We never forget the strangers that left an everlasting mark. The little random things.. They leave us in awe.

And to wrap it all up in a perfect bundle, there's that bigger picture- the view from above, from outside the box that we tend to linger in too often. It's one of those gifts that a person can only truly appreciate when they realize its full potential. It's Perspective within your grasp.

So how do you seek that balance? How do you walk with the small in one hand and the large in the other without falling over? How can you give the little things the attention they deserve while not losing sight of the bigger picture??

Ramadan Kareem to you all.

و كل عام و أنتم بخير

Savvy Doc.

in·fla·tion - (n-flshn) n. 1. The act of inflating or the state of being inflated.

2008-08-18T11:22:00.009+03:00

Money is a burden... to have and to not have. But I guess we already knew that!

In recent days I have been dumbfound by the extent of the inflation the world is going through. I wouldn't have realised it if I hadn't been so well trained by my dad and grandma (:P) to bargain shop at the supermarket. This is a statistic I heard on a news channel that I absolutely could not believe, at the end of june it was said that by september (though prices had already risen at least 25%) prices will further increase another 50%.... FIFTY!! Can you even understand that? Frankly I don't.

Around mid 20th century, there were two schools of economics that debated the real reason behind inflation. Baring in mind we are talking about modern day inflation rather than monetary inflation (which ironicaly means an increase in money supply rather than an increase in prices). There was the "monetarists" who argued that money supply dominated all other factors in determining inflation, i.e. the countries money supply increases and it can increase its prices to accommodate, while "keynesians" argued that real demand often dominated inflation than changes in the money supply, i.e. there is an increased demand on, say flour, thus they increase the price since it's manufacturing or importation has been reduced significantly.

Great educational value... you're wrong! I know I am going to sound so rediculous, but hear me out. Maybe there is increased demand, maybe there is incresed money supply (which is heighly doubtful), but why would there be increased demand... Look at the worlds population, in 195o there were a mere 2.5 billion people, how many are we now? 6.5 billion, and this is all approximate, what's scarier is how many we'll be in 2050... take a wild guess... the worlds population will increase by approxamately 3 billion. Increased demand because we are multiplying far too much. Yes, I'm probably the last person who would say this, because I want kids more than anything, but people cool down on the off-springing! Will we... no, because it's our human instinct to make people, God made it that way! Then we should probably find another way to fix things.

The “oh so great” U.S. of A. were so generous to their inhabitants, that they decided to reduce taxes, this was of course under President Bush's federal governments rule, but wait a second, they reduced their taxes whilst inflation was occurring, meaning that every dollar that anyone saves has less purchasing power each year! Yeah, the taxes didn't do much did they? Except start controvertial wars that probably resulted in the inflation in the first place. Do you know how much a barrel of gasoline costs in England... a full tank would set you back 500 saudi riyal, in a normal sized car!

Science and technology isn't helping much either. instead of home grown natural fruites and vegetables, some obsessive compulsive scientist decided he wants all his tomatos a certain shade of red and the same size and all his carrots the same length and width and oh dear god if he saw any green! So instead of paying the price of the farming and the profit for the outlet, we now pay the price for the farming, genetic engineering, and the outlet, and I'll tell you the genetics isn't that cheap.

From where I see it, we shoud just blow up the whole world and start over. but because that's probably impossible, we'll have to resort to patience. We'll continue multiplying, we'll continue trusting our leaders, and we will always have mad scientist. we just have to pray they won't get any madder.

And by the way, Money will always be a burden...

iDoc

2008-08-17T17:06:00.002+03:00

"Silence is the true friend that never betrays."

Confucius

iDoc

When the Crab Came to Try and Take her Away

2008-08-04T14:46:00.002+03:00

When I started this year, I never thought I'd get through it. Yes, I was so doubtful of my capabilities, my grades were slipping, I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be in this new life, and regardless, I pushed on because I wanted to be happy.

This year has been more than a whirlwind, for all of my family, I think my grandma said it best when she said: “Never in my life have I been grabbed by my arms and spun around the whole earth time and time again”. This is exactly what happened to us. a tragedy, no... a test, and I cannot deny but a very hard test!

I am at awe when I think how my family stood together to get through it all, yeah, I admit they weren't always there for one another, in fact some of them were naive enough to start pointing their fingers and blaming people for things that GOD makes possible, things that are never in our hands. But then sanity came back, and once more we stood together. standing by those who couldn't “stand” and buying black coffee and Lattes for those who could no longer keep their eyes open. A memory too vivid, but I am glad.

My friends, stood by me when I had no energy to stand, listened to me when I cried, they were there, and though I knew they would be, I was still amazed.

We fall, and we always will, but then we climb up again, however cleched that may seem, one step at a time. And it is so much easier for us to climb up again with people around us. Life is good, grades raise and happiness reappears. Life is truly good.

Wake-up Call.

2008-07-19T22:03:00.006+03:00

Sometimes, what we really need is a sudden, mentally and/or physically excruciatingly painful experience to snap us back to our senses. A bad incident to steer our attention towards all the good that's too easy to neglect sometimes. A wake-up call. The hard part? Hanging onto it after it passes. And no, I don't mean the "bad" per se, that part should definitely be left behind.. I mean hanging onto the magic of that transient epiphany.. That sense of gratitude for all the little blessings we too often take for granted, the sense of deep appreciation for being pain-free, for the ability to go on with life normally. To live.

Consider this a reminder.. For all the times we desperately want to remember but find it much easier to simply forget.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

Savvy Doc.

Top 10 Lessons of the Year (07/08)

2008-06-30T00:05:00.007+03:00

To continue the tradition..

10. Focus. Don't lose sight of your target by letting life's trivial events blur your vision.

9. Power. Words are powerful. Too powerful sometimes. Use them wisely.

8. Acceptance. Learn to take things as they are, and accept them for what they are. Life will not always fulfill your expectations.

7. Understanding. When you want someone to understand you, don't expect them to just 'get' it. Be willing to explain yourself, let it all out, be direct. And if they still don't get it, then it's okay, let it be. Don't let it get in the way of things.

6. Perspective. Learn how to ask the right questions. They'll lead you closer to the answers.

5. Disengage. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is nothing.

4. Trust. Once you hand someone your trust, there's no turning back unless they prove themself unworthy of it.

3. Appreciation. When there's someone in your life with whom you can speak openly to, do not take them for granted. Not everyone's that lucky- some people dream of an understanding ear.

2. Reasons. There's always a reason.. for everything. Everyone in your life is there for a reason. Everything you do, you do for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. There's always a reason, and it appears sooner or later.

1. Faith. It's in God's hands. Always. Do what you can with what you've been blessed with and leave the rest up to Him.

Savvy Doc.

Post 100

2008-06-21T19:04:00.003+03:00

2008-06-01T16:04:00.007+03:00

"It is in the nature of medicine that you are gonna screw up. You are gonna kill someone. If you can't handle that reality, pick another profession. Or finish medical school and teach."

-House, MD

"Quotes" of the YEAR!

2008-05-20T16:02:00.026+03:00

We Said It:

"Would you ever go to Hong Kong?"
"Yes! It's like the HONG.. of KONG!"

"Do you have lymph nodes?"
"Yeah.."
"Wooow"

Loud doc is late for Micro lab, and Vintage, being her lab partner, explains how to make a Gram stain.. The slide Loud prepares ends up being empty.
Vintage: "Did you add everything? including IODINE?"
Loud :"Iodine? You didn't tell me anything about iodine!"

"alyoum youm al3arab.."
"-bee"
"..al3arabi"

"I wanna be subleader"
"Lol, we'll need to test your capabilities first."
"How?"
"Well, what would you if a doctor slapped you in the face for no reason?"
"I'd say I'm sorry."

In the copy center, waiting ..
"This is taking forever."
"Can you blame her?"
"..yeS!"
"..Okay that was a rhetorical question!"

Medical Terminology "KAU Style":
in Texas = intact cyst
kan bwiddina ngeebu = we never ask about it in the exam

2008-05-17T17:13:00.003+03:00

"Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity"

iDoc

Untitled IIII: Pour L'amour de Chaussure.

2008-04-29T02:35:00.002+03:00

I love shoes. I, Mental Doc, declare my undying love for shoes. The whole Kingdom, with every Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus and Species of them! Except the Phylum Ugly, and I've seen ugly!

Black leather, pointed front, stilettos. Tan leather, pointed front, stilettos, exposes the medial aspect of the foot. Black velvet boots, purple lining, pointed front, stilettos. Starting to sense a pattern here?

Sharp, pointed, angular, exposing and beautiful. Made to be adored. Just the type of thing you'd want wrapping your feet.

Did I mention the sound of heels on marble floors? The only thing I love more is the sound of heels on a parquet floor. Heavenly!

"Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be"*

Mental Doc.

* Nirvana – Come As You Are.

Bewilderment.

2008-04-25T08:41:00.009+03:00

To put it simply, this was one of those weeks that passed like a vague illusion.. You know when certain days you're struggling underwater and suddenly you find yourself above the surface, only to fall back down again? Yeah, one of those weeks that leave you breathless. But it passed, and here's some of the good that came out of it..

-Some people, whether brief acquaintances or lifelong friends, give you a tremendous amount of hope in the human race. Seriously, there are people out there that you are extremely lucky and forever grateful for ever encountering. And the mark they leave is simply unforgettable.

-Everyone comes into your life for a reason. So look up to those people that you truly admire and respect, and pinpoint what it is in them that left such an impact on your life. Learn from them!!

-An obsession with power seriously corrupts people, so make sure you don't fall into that trap. Never aim for revenge, aim for improvement.

-Sometimes, you just have to jump in headfirst despite how unprepared you feel. The water's hardly ever as deep as it seems, and one way or another you'll find your way back up. Do the thing(s) that you fear most, just once, and fear will become a memory.

-When in a position where others are relying on you, don't let them down. Just do it.

-Saying it out loud does make it real. But sometimes, facing it is the only way to overcome it.

-Underestimating yourself will cause others to underestimate you as well. Have faith in your capabilities.

-It's a SMALL world..!!

-Introduce yourself to new acquaintances, don't wait for them to ask for your name..! :p

-Even when you know you're lost, carry on anyway. Doors will open. And when they do, don't hesitate to walk right through them.

A THANK YOU goes out to those whose presence taught me well!

Savvy Doc.

Unfaithful

2008-04-22T19:36:00.001+03:00

crashcourseincollision.blogspot.com

A Pocketful of Memories.

2008-04-16T23:05:00.001+03:00

"So much struggle for meaning, for purpose. And in the end, we find it only in each other. Our shared experience of the fantastic. And the mundane. The simple human need to find a kindred, to connect. And to know in our hearts... that we are not alone."
-from Heroes

It's been a while. Since alot of things. Our blog. Rainbows. Snow. Vanilla milkshakes. Certain people. It's the people though.. they're the ones whose presence (or absence :p) it has become too easy to miss. It's a crazy realization that those surrounding you can disappear in the blink of an eye. Makes you wonder who'll be gone next. Makes you wonder what they'd do if it were you. Okay, I don't mean to be all pessimistic. But seriously, what are you to those around you? What type of "friend" or "acquaintance" or "random stranger" are you? Just as everyone in your life has a place in your life and sometimes even your heart, you are something to them as well. Makes you wonder what kind of mark you will leave after your time here is over.

ps. I Miss You.

Savvy Doc.

Surrender.

2008-02-28T11:45:00.000+03:00

It's funny how we're constantly searching for answers. We fool ourselves into believing they'll help get us somewhere, putting us on a constant, desperate, endless chase. But then it suddenly gets to a point where you just stop asking questions. You stop looking for that thing that will make it all work, you stop seeking those answers which will put some sense into everything you've ever known. And no, it's not because you've discovered what you always needed, but because you've finally realized that it's nowhere to be found.

You stop and realize that it's about time you let it all go. Before it breaks you. Because after all, who will be there to pick up the pieces?

Savvy Doc.

Untitled III: On Hope.

2008-02-17T22:19:00.002+03:00

We hold on to what's left in Pandora's box.
But then, we were the ones who set everything in that box free in the first place.

Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairy tales. all she ever thinks about is riding with the wind.*

- Mental.

* Little Wing - Jimi Hendrix.

2008-02-16T17:54:00.001+03:00

Can the world really be peaceful?
However much we help (though not enough) it can never be peaceful. Since the beginning of mankind, throughout life we have been hurdling through the "Survival of the fittest" rally. Today you feel superior, you are the king of the world, but the slightest left turn and oh... are you in for it!

Say it does reach the peace all the Ms. So- and- So's of Ms. world have craved for, will we be able to survive after it. Man is of a dominating nature, we need to have power, an essential part of surviving. To know you can take control, to know you own yourself! "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace"- Jimi Hendrix.

What is peace?
To simply achieve peace of mind? that state where we all live in extreme tranquility... What a feeling! Letting go of everything, forgetting... Peace. A good nights sleep. I wish it was only that! That, though time consuming, is achievable!

It's sometimes hard to believe that there are so many people around the world suffering, and God chose US to be good to, I sometimes think I've taken the part of the good that was meant for them! And I really can't quite comprehend the fact that throughout life our main way of achieving peace has been to inflict more suffering, (“We make war so that we may live in peace”-Aristotle) it's just rediculous!

Peace out...?
iDoc

Castle in the Air.

2008-02-09T16:04:00.000+03:00

she: This is it. It's going to be gone soon.
he: I know.
she: What do we do?
he: Enjoy it.

-from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"

Savvy Doc.

Am aging.You're aging.We're ALL aging.

2008-02-01T11:29:00.000+03:00

Listening to: Explosive by Bond
Mood: Alert

It’s hard,
We all agree it is
Only in the beginning
then you move along
and it gets EASY.

You’ll leave at ease
But you’re here now..
Make it worth it..
By every seconds that counts.

You can Ignore all you want
Live in disgrace
You’ll learn it the hard way
With only yourself to blame.

You’ll understand the application called life
You’ll face tasks you have to fulfill
simply cause
You are responsible.

&Finally you'll get it
What it’s like;
Being an adult
In today’s world.

So,
Don’t deny that
Nor underestimate your capabilities
We’re aging
and It’s terrifying
this existent routine
Therefore,
Never wait till it’s too late..

p.s. As they say: “it’s never too late”…..
I’d just add: “so don’t wait till it is”

Vintage Doc.

To hell with optimists, be a little realistic!

2008-01-17T16:55:00.000+03:00

In a box for so long and now that im out i feel petrified!
the world is not a friendly place
people aren't so nice
fear is a must have
money is an obligation
pride is non-existent
dignity is now where to be found
voices aren't heard
the strong overpower us
the weak pull us down
food is no longer a must, has turned into a burden
so iask myself if the world has turned so dark wats the point of living?
wats the point of ensuring its continuity?
the optimists shall say:"Darkness won't prevail, and there shall always be the flickering light by the end of the road.."
but wat if there isnt any light , wat if there isnt any hope left??
Logically speaking we should always consider the possibility that our hopeful expectations would fail us
that everything won't be alright, that people wont change and that it'll only get darker eventually!!
then wat?
what becomes of us?
...

the little box has never looked better before!!

to a hopefuly better '08, to a better you, to a safer place

not so LOUD anymore...

They Say Every End is a New Beginning.

2007-12-31T22:15:00.000+03:00

With 2007 coming to an end, I can't help but reflect on the past year and what it brought and took away. It makes you think, I mean really think, about this ever-changing world, and how time passes too quickly. Looking back causes you to be grateful for all the good things in life that bring a smile to your face, and for all the “bad” that shaped you into who you are. Looking back gives you a chance to contemplate whether or not you are the person you have always dreamed of becoming. Looking back helps you look ahead.

Many people celebrate this new beginning, and most make resolutions that they hope to fulfill within the next 12 months. With us “Triumphant Pursuers”, our current long-term goals are numerous, many are shared amongst us, and most cannot be fulfilled in just a year. But between our yearly resolutions, the variety is overwhelming..

There are those who aim for constructive accomplishments: “Stop complaining and put more efforts into my studies, religion, and family obligations”, “Stick to my plans”, “Attend more classes”, and "Be more involved." To them, I must say I admire your determination. The more we put into life, the more we will get out of it.

There are those seeking a deeper existence, each in their own unique way: “This year I will find myself”, or “Create myself instead of finding it”, and “Be born again and share the excitement of life with everyone.” To them, I say do not hesitate. Life is all about having a purpose, about discovery, about being.

Then there are those beginning a journey of reinvigoration: “Revive the person I used to be”, and “Restore my energy”. Them? I respect their outlook. Progress can only be achieved if we have the courage to look back and gain or regain whatever it is that we lack.

As for myself, I could only sum it up in one well-known but highly underestimated quote: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”* It says it all. And I leave it to you to reach its full scope.

As cliché as this may sound, with 2007 coming to an end and 2008 waiting to make its debut, allow me to wish you all the best of luck wherever life takes you. Fear not the winding paths, enjoy the occasional bump in the road, and be sure to learn something every step of the way. Overcome that which holds you back, and find the good in everything. “Take pride in how far you have come. Have faith in how far you can go.”** They say every end is a new beginning.. I couldn't agree more.

Happy 1429 / 2008!

Savvy Doc.

*Mahatma Gandhi
**Anonymous

Untitled II: On Rage and Fury.

2007-12-27T00:54:00.000+03:00

"Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage"*

Do you know how that feels? That you wish the whole world would burn and you would even fuel that fire?
Murphy's law: "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong. At the worst possible time, in the worst possible way". in short; shit happens, a whole lot of it.
At this very moment, I don't hate the world. I only look down on this corrupted unsightly creation we call a world and hope it comes to an untimely end. Yes, i am THAT pissed off.

"The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get for my pain?
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game"*

Yours Truly, Mental.
__________________
* Bullet With Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins.

The Sky is Falling.

2007-12-24T15:26:00.000+03:00

5 Reasons I think I should STAY:
1) Change is something you can't always force.. It usually just happens.
2) I don't want to be giving up on anyone/anything.
3) I don't want to make the wrong decision.
4) There's always room to make a difference.
5) Life is short.

5 Reasons I think I should GO:
1) Change is good every once in a while.. It keeps things interesting.
2) Guilt is irrelevant.
3) Regrets are a waste of energy.
4) I think it's time to move on.
5) Life is short.

And most of us choose that safe place in the middle, where we have a perfect view of the sky but where it misses us on its way down..

Savvy Doc.

The Making of a Physician

2007-12-22T15:59:00.000+03:00

Watch This:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=WI5Q3ISdYzY

Sporty Doc.

I Come in Peace

2007-12-09T21:28:00.002+03:00

This was written earlier in October when I was still finding it difficult to find myself in my new university.

Loneliness is a disease. We live in this life seeking the love of our family, seeking the best people to be our friends and we seek our life companions! We seek the absence of loneliness. We are then disappointed when our choices in people betrays us, but no one wants to be lonely, so we let it go. The number of times I didn't let it go are countless, and I believe they are getting back at me now.

But I had friends, I wasn't by any stretch of the imagination lonely, it was easy to just give them up!  Now to make friends after being such an easy thing to do, is proving ever so slightly difficult.  I've travelled to and lived in so many places before and was always the one people were interested in.  I suppose I took that for granted, but I WAS interesting in their point of view (no modesty required), whether I was the "Oooh Saudi Girl and a Yank too!" or the "Aaaaah, you lived in England!" I never thought I'd fall to being the  "Eugh... Hijazi girl, a.k.a. the devil"!  Stereotypes are our demise.

Then again, we believe that we are people who don't believe in labels, when in actual face we are probably the ones who created them- the words we use to describe people everyday are endless, and we don't stop using them, won't! Which is almost ridiculous isn't it?

Friends are hard to gain and hard to lose and it'll always be that way.  Throughout this life we will carry on fighting for the best- we may get it we may not- but at the end of the day don't let go, don't give your self the chance to be lonely, after all the worst feeling of all, is to feel lonely with so many people around you.

iDoc

In Between..

2007-11-27T23:04:00.000+03:00

Mood: Deeply Concerned
Listening to: ---

Every now and then, when am sitting by my self, enjoying the company of my random thoughts , a worrying fact faces me, leaving me wonder bout my existence.I wonder if I’ll live long enough to fulfill the life am supposed to live. a life dedicated to the reason of my being.
To God..

There’s a saying that explains the human life in a metaphorically meditative way:
"Humans life, is that period between the Athan and Iqama of a prayer ,and the prayer it self. "
This saying is based on what our religion guided us to do with our newly born infants;to say the Athan in one ear ,and the Iqama in the other.As for the prayer, it is that we pray at the time of this humans death. that one without Athan nor Iqama.
Can you believe it???that our life is this time in between? ??
Our life is a matter of seconds???
How ironically truthful..

We are God’s creation on earth. Made from mud and brought to life by his holly spirit.
How blissful, inspiring, enchanting….. no words can ever describe how perfectly established we are.Gifted by the endlessly giving God.Left with nothing to do but dedicate our mind,body and soul to our merciful creator..
How?

Well, certainly NOT by becoming nuns, but by following what our prophet advised us;investing our good intentions in all of our actions by doing everything that pleases God and staying as far as possible from what upsets him.

May we never forget that: life is a matter of seconds..
A few seconds..

..Vintage

VII. We Want. We Need.

2007-11-27T22:37:00.000+03:00

We want to be surrounded by people- family, friends, a lifelong companion. People to make life worth living. People to make every step of the way bearable. People who understand us, who care for us, who tolerate us. We want to be surrounded by people in hope of them completing us.
We need to spend more time alone. We need to take a break every once in a while from this demanding world we live in, and simply free our minds from any inner turmoil. We cannot keep living a race which we are obsessed with winning. We need to step back and take a break.

We want to believe that we can achieve the high goals we set for ourselves- the successful friendships, marriage, career, our hopes and dreams in life all fulfilled. We want to convince ourselves that life alters according to our expectations, and that things will fit into place if we think them through enough or spend just the right amount of time planning them all out.
We need to put more effort into working for the goals we set rather than simply attempting to dream them into being. Our expectations are seldom met because too often we forget the importance of pursuing them, too often we neglect the effort they require. We need to try harder.

We want justice, fairness, honesty- describable in many different ways, we want to feel we are getting what we deserve. We dislike the people who wrong us, we mistrust the people who lie to us, we let go of the people who cannot treat us right. We choose to replace those who do not meet our expectations with others who may, or may not.
We need to rise above the hatred, the uncertainty, the coldness. We need to give in every once in a while, reducing the impact that certain experiences have on our relationships. We need to truly believe in second chances.

We want to live a life that's "full."
We need to learn how to do that.

Savvy Doc.

Challenged Marriage

2007-11-25T17:02:00.000+03:00

Marriage. Does anyone really understand the constitution of a marriage? People get married for all the wrong reasons nowadays, whether its social obligation, tradition, a formality or whether its sexual attraction to the opposite sex that needs to be fulfilled. Some are done the conventional way others are more modernized. Regardless why people get into it, nowadays divorce rates are soaring through the roof. Why you might ask? Simply because people's expectations arent met. As they say your expectations alter your perception. Suddenly it's all not good enough. They expect a fairy tale ending, smooth sailing through life with no stormy weather anywhere in the future. People dont understand the meaning of compromise, sacrifice, being there for the better and guess what, for the worse too. I'll get to my point now, what happens when even normal people cant make a marriage work?

Recently i was approached with this subject. Can mentally challenged people get married and lead a life of wedded bliss?Even though they are mentally challenged they still have the same needs as ours but is that enough to determine their need for marriage? If it's a male we're talking about he'd still have instincts, needs, urges... etc. A female, she'd have maternal instincts, love, care, affection that she feels the need to let out but is that enough? What happens when you cant even tell if thats what he/she desires? What if you do get them married, but to mentally sane people? How do you know they'll do them justice? How do you know they'll treat them right? How would you know when you cant even tell when they're hurting cause they cant express for themselves? Is it worth the risk? On the other hand, thinking on the long term, you want someone to be there for them, care for them, provide for them, cause you never know if you'll be around long enough. Who are you to deny them from their simple rights? Then again what happens after marriage? What if she conceives? Dont you have a child to think of as well? Is it fair to them to have a mentally challenged father/ mother? Is it fair to make her go through labour in the first place? No matter who you choose, how careful you think you're being.. you're still going in this blindly knowing that whatever happens is on you. At the end of the day, his/her best interest is your top most priority. But how do you decide for someone who cant speak for themselves? Do you risk and try because you owe her a chance of having a family, a life or do you decide its no good for her and is out of the question?

Glam

Humanology 101 (Lesson 1)

2007-11-23T11:24:00.000+03:00

"That Thing They Do"

As humans, their main aim is survival. In such a vast world, one way to maintain a healthy existence is through human bonding. They meet at countless times in life, in random places at the most unexpected of circumstances. They meet, and on first encounter something within them begins forming an impression of the other. Some bonds strengthen with time, while some are never solid to begin with. And some can captivate both sides- either remaining a firm tie forever, or surprising both ends by snapping at a normally harmless jerk.

These "bonds" that they form (to which is often referred to as "relationships" or "friendships", depending on those involved), they begin as mutual feelings of acceptance and comfort. As this tie strengthens, the significance of a reciprocal effort plays a key role in its firm persistence. In some instances, one side decides to let go, putting it all to an end, leaving it all behind. This may be it due to pure negligence, an indifference to the other human involved, or as surrender to the constant effort of keeping the bond strong and stable. Sometimes this occurs as a result of a major conflict, or as an unfortunate misunderstanding. Other times these bonds are severed as a defense mechanism- one side letting it go before it is the one left behind.

Human beings, despite their wide ability to think and function intellectually, often fail to choose those with whom they interact with wisely. Too often they ignore that instinct, the "inner" knowledgeable voice within, which not only senses whether a certain relation would be beneficial, but also does everything within its grasp to make its keeper understand this and act accordingly. This failure of self-comprehension often leads to the termination of many bonds, many "relationships", many "friendships". If only they would listen more carefully, their world would be a more pleasant place. However, it is important to keep in mind that even in those bonds that have ended on an emotional and literal scale, its memory remains within the hearts of those involved. It's something they can never simply choose to erase completely.

So if there is one aspect that the persistence of the human race depends on yet may never learn to appreciate fully, let it be the act of bonding through interaction and communication. It's "that thing they do" after all which makes them what they are.

Savvy Doc.

You've Got a Friend in Me

2007-11-22T12:27:00.001+03:00

What a life we have...
We are all blessed to have been accepted in the faculty of our dreams, we have a family filled with people who love us, and we have great friends, but I never thought I'd be able to say this about our life, us... the realistic ones have all of a sudden turned into a SOAP OPERA!!!

It's hard to see people drift apart, knowing that the one reason anything could be going wrong is worthless... to those who know what I am talking about, it may seem harsh, and I am sorry, but I don't believe I am.

Even though we have already cleared this up, I just want to make a point very clear, for everyone and anyone who may come across this entry... Loyalty to one friend does not come at the betrayal of another.

I don't exactly pride myself in my opinions of people, and I'd rather (a million and one times over) not be so judgmental about them. People, don't make the same mistake, life is too short for hatred, don't let it take over you... people are people, they don't change when it's deep on the inside that they are flawed! I'll take myself as an example, I hate it, but my flaw is that I AM too judgmental, I know I am taking the person as they are, raw, unaltered, but it doesn't give me the right to feel disgusted at them, but I do... superficially I don't... but I do!

I know I have said this to at least a couple of you, the people you are with today are the people you are with for 3 and a half years from now. The people you are with today are the people that in 10, 20 years time going to be the people you will attend conferences with, study a specialty with or even work with... don't force them to only remember the bad, make sure that the good exceeds the bad by miles just so that in those 10 or 20 years from now you won't regret the choices that you made!

iDoc

Untitled I: On Exams and Mankind.

2007-11-07T18:07:00.000+03:00

I am afraid. Terrified, petrified, horrified. Downright scared. I never felt this way before about exams. What makes med school so special as to scare me witless?

All I wanted to do as a child was to live in a huge observatory in the middle of the desert and look at the stars. Did you know that I actually have a map of the Moon?

The chain of actions that lead me to where I am today are rather vague to me. I know the general outline but I can’t pinpoint when or where my life took such a drastic turn. Yes, “drastic”; not for lack of a better word, but for it being the most suitable to describe this turn of events.

Tranquillity occupies one of the highest ranks in my life and I traded it for this hectic existence. Do I really want to help people so badly? Does the human race really deserve my peace of mind? Does the human race deserve anything at all?

“Suppose, gentlemen, that man is not stupid. (Really, it is quite impossible to say he is, for the sole reason that if he is stupid, who then is intelligent?) But even if he isn’t stupid, all the same he’s monstrously ungrateful! Phenomenally ungrateful. I even think the best definition of man is: a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful”*

Does the human race deserve anything at all? I still want to live in the middle of the sand dunes away from civilization.

Mental Doc

* Fyodor Dostoevsky’s “Notes From Underground”

She's back!! and all grown up

2007-11-06T15:17:00.000+03:00

obviously the majority of us triumphant pursuiters have been on some wat of a hiatus!
but... am here now!!
Summer was ecstatic!!
3rd year a drama so far
ME??!! ....... not so much me anymore!(not in a bad way o'course)
after some serious thinking and meditation( vintage's inspiration lol) ...i've concluded:
- friends are NOT an extension of ur family no mtter how hard u try to convince yourself that they are, and they will ultimately betray u ( savvy .. u know all about it)
-expectaions shouldn't be inflated, the majority will not fail to disappoint u!
-being optimistic (no matter how hard it may seem nowadays) is the ONLY good thing going on for u! so hold on to it
- the world is changing, and the people are too, stick to ur belief, its wat makes u unique; no matter how different it may be!........
and the only true friend you've got is the one that bit**es around the most( she's only doing it for u!!!)
Savvy thnx for everything !! u may not know it but ur our inspiration to mature and do good!!
Vintage !! if it weren't for u i would have found my inner self in yoga!!
Glam...... im speechles !! but u know wat im too say bout u!!
Perky: u gave green a whole new meaning lol
i doc: i've missed you! its different without u(and not to the better)
the rest of u guys thnx xoxo ive chosen a different road becaues of u , and for that am greatful!

Loud....

Dwell on this.. (2)

2007-10-29T23:05:00.000+03:00

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear."
-Stephen King

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

2007-10-21T22:11:00.000+03:00

It is a little bit of an interesting change, sharing.

Well technically it isn't all that different, I have always shared a room with my sister, which is something that i miss, waking up to her wonderful racket every morning during holidays (but never during school as it was me who had to wake her up), oh and the endless fights over how untidy the room is...

Thinking of it, it isn't that different now that I am sharing my life with another person... I mean he is practically as messy as my sister so I can't miss that at all. It's a change, a good one, a scary one... summer has been great, I miss my family like hell, I miss my friends like hell, but it has been great a summer of changing everything, a summer I will never forget.

We can never expect thing to be “Happy go lucky”. I expected things to be a breeze, yes i will miss my life in Jeddah, but it's the other stuff, a bit of a cleche, but a true one, it's the little things that count. I am blessed, my life was full of little things and still is, little things that I should constantly thank God for. I do, I must, after all I am blessed.

The last few months have been hectic, my bodies times have quit on me, my body has quit on me, I no longer understand night and day, hungry or thirsty, it'll take me a while to be able to differentiate. But it is this transition thats making me fully appreciate the changes that I decided to make in my life. Life is good to you, even when it doesn't seem that way.

First day at university, different. I had the false expectation that I was going to see my friends after a long (very long) summer holiday. But as I said, false expectation. I wanted to isolate myself, don't get me wrong, I don't want to be felt sorry for, I don't have anything against anyone, I just wanted my social circle to involve anyone who can help me catch up, give me papers and tell me exam dates; and as if it was a sign from God, who happened to be the first person I spoke to? The leader.

That's how I wanted to keep it, I suppose you could say I just didn't want to let go, and i suppose thats true. I don't want to cope with new people, I liked my life and I love my friends too much to see me hanging out with anyone else. So I'd start the day in class and when I have a break or a free period I slip away and disappear into the pharmacy building, pull myself away from everything... but there is a point were the existence of this new person will inject curiosity into people, and i had to speak to people. I make it sound so horrendous. I know it isn't, I just didn't want to.

I don't feel like an outcast, if I did it would be my own fault... people are nice and I am glad they exist, maybe I'll just take a chance, grab on tight for the ride... seeing as though I have another few years of this to go... Thank you God for the chances.

iDoc

VI. On Change.

2007-09-30T00:46:00.000+03:00

"Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind.

To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse.

To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better.

To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better."

Everything changes. Our surroundings, ourselves, our worlds; they're ever-changing. It's the type of change that differs though. But in the end, its consistency is what makes it necessary for us to learn how to adapt to it.

You can speak about change being part of evolution; if nothing changed, the world would never have developed and grown and become what it is. "Essential change" you may call it; without it, the world would be uninhabitable.

Change may be a burden. Something you just aren't in the right mind to put an effort into adjusting to. Something that you wish had never happened; an experience, a loss, a life-altering decision gone terribly wrong. Altering your perspective is the only way out.
..
Then there are the changes that you long for, thinking and hoping and wishing that once they happen, everything will fit into place. Truly perfect? Seldom so. But when they do fulfill your expectations, they make your world a more beautiful place.

Change may suddenly sweep you off your feet. Randomly unexpected, it may be sent as a blessing, overwhelming you with awe. Absent from even your most eccentric dreams, you wonder what you ever did to deserve such a gift.

People change. Best of friends drift apart and become strangers. Couples lose their spark. Enemies become worth the benefit of the doubt. People change- some for the worst, some for the best, beyond our control either way.

"Nothing is constant but change."

Savvy Doc.

رمضان مبارك / Happy Ramadan

2007-09-15T22:51:00.000+03:00

قال تعالى :"وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ" - البقرة 186

"And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way." (Albaqara- 186)

Homecoming. (Pun intended)

2007-09-01T16:08:00.000+03:00

Vintage, i gotta hand it to you this time.. THANK you for reviving our blog from that unexpected summer hibernation.. Where would we be without our Vintage? ;p.. Oh and to answer your question- Life's all about perspective my dear. ;)

Moving on.. My summer was great. I mean really amazing, consisting of a sequence of very very interesting experiences. I perfected my map-reading skills :p, adapted to getting soaked in the rain, got a glimpse of a dark side of history, and realized how fond I am of great art and architecture. All this in two of Europe's grandest countries. It was great, but I can't deny I'm glad to be home.

Before this turns into a diary entry, let me remind you of what we're heading towards. A new year of university is just around the corner, and I can't really tell you how I feel about that because I'm not so sure myself. I mean, the excitement of completing another year *inshaaallah* is definitely there, and then there's the whole "looking forward to it all" feeling, and then the bad, exhausting, and/or simply terrible experiences replay in your mind and it's like you just don't want to remember any of it anymore. But nonetheless, I'm sure that this year's going to be different than the last in many ways. iDoc's presence will surely be missed by us all . We wish you the BEST wherever life takes you, and I'm still expecting you to have my back from a distance ;) .. Also, I think we've grown, I know we've all grown after the ups and downs and flips and turns of the previous years. But it wasn't all that bad, considering how we survived it all (thank you God!), right? And if I have a "plan" for this year, it's to experience it to the full, with a vitally positive attitude inshallah. (My plan B is to approach the year without a plan, because sometimes spontaneity is the best plan- I think I might settle for plan C though, which incorporates both A & B.)

So, my fellow multi-colored colleagues, and loyal readers, I will not bore you with my ramblings but let me leave you with a final thought.. As a new year lies ahead of us, we have a chance to make something out of it. What will you make of it and of yourself?

ps. I never got a chance to thank you all for a wonderful year, so consider this my humble show of appreciation. I hope to God that we manage to stick together until the end, and forgive me if ever did you wrong (stalkerishly reminding you to check and add to the blog doesn't count though :P). I missed you all and I missed this place! (Didn't you all??) :)

Savvy Doc.

SumMer 07! :) :O :D :P ;)

2007-08-28T15:11:00.000+03:00

Hello everyone! Hi it's me ! The medical student with green font color! ;) Hi there

Classy Doc; what have you been up to??
Glam Doc; Literally. how was your summer??
iDOC; Name the one thing you miss the most about your"single" life!! ;P
Loud Doc; Jeddah misses you ;)
Perky Doc; i know you won't read this at the moment but hey i can not not ask about you ;P How was Italy???
Savvy Doc ;*seen gods warriors * you really love the idea of having multiple but different point of views of life huh!!
Sporty Doc- Senorita! Do speak of this great country you've visited!!!
Wicked Doc; Tell me your safely back from Ams??? ;P

This Summer has been a rewarding, eventful and "self seeking" experience for me,
and am not shi**in you people<--yeah you can tell the difference already! LOL..
Honestly, that's something i love about summer, that no matter how many plans you've got for it, you can never guarantee what you'll end up doing,feeling and/or enjoying.

One thing i know for sure, you'll always end up feeling differently FRESH.
Don't you agree??
Common now! let me hear what has SummER 07 made out of you!

How ready are you for next year? -which is starting in less than two weeks now-
Expectations, hopes, aims??
but firrrrrst HOW WAS YOUR SUMMERRRRRR???

Vintage Doc

-------------
Original Pic by: sladkia

"Graphically Cropped" by: ME

Pink Mini iPod Concludes

2007-07-19T00:01:00.000+03:00

Diverting out of the usual...

Khalil Gibran wrote: "And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"

I can't understand it, why we only realize we are blessed when we lose something, thus, I won't let it happen this time, before i lose you, I will make sure it will be impossible to in the first place.

Tonight... well... need I say more? I just felt I had to make things clear, before it's too late. I am going to hell of a lot miss you. Seriously, I can't see my life with out our daily shenanigans, without US. Your friendship, all of you... I can't see my life with out it.

I would've never thought that peaches and I would have ended like this, she's the person you didn't like and all of a sudden your best friend, I will never forget the first time we met at university *mocking voice* “I've been waiting for you forever, where have you been” *Voices in head* “yes...Because I am your personal servant!”... Friendship bloomed right there and then, I would've wanted this year for her and I to see one another more, just hang out... Maybe it's better this way, we'll look forward more to seeing one another next time!

Snow... my classroom companion, it's either I save her a place or she saves me a place, or we just save two whole rows to spite the ones dubbing us “the outsiders”, hmmm, maybe that's why we're the outsiders :P! Our endless philosophical discussions and our build up to “A Triumphant Pursuit”, always preparing for something or another... our talks, that's what I'll miss the most. We've gone through a lot this year, and I couldn't have wished for a better person to go through it all with.

True breed OC'er, her music, her style, her VANS, her smile! One of the first things she ever said to me was something that I will forever remember, and will forever be in debt for, because no one made me feel more at home when home seemed so far away more than her. Anatomy classes will never be the same scalpel...

Coincidences, coincidences, coincidences, they keep creeping up at you don't they?! This girl doesn't eat anything, but I think I have discovered my Godly given task, I will only be able to die when I make you eat :P! I am in admiration of your whole family, mashallah! I'm going to miss our laughs, biatch...excuse me butterfly :P...

HiFi... We can't deny it hasn't exactly been a great year for us this year, but never the less, coloring in will never be the same... you stamped your seal on my journal, which means i will always remember you, the good times the bad times, but more importantly the fabulous time! Thank you for everything!

DJ (my fellow multiplier)... That last trick you pulled, the songs, you can't make me cry that early, I love it! I am so happy I got to know you more this year, you're one of those people who have always made me laugh, I will not forget that phone call that opened up my eyes, you weren't like everyone else, you were different. Musically, maybe better educated than I am (and you know how hard that is for me to say :P)... kwayyis hada nafar! ana abgu koon 9adeeg inta kull youm (inside joke :P)

Fairy God mother, I never knew you till the end of the first term when a whole new side of you unveiled, honest and loyal. I knew of you in school, we saw each other, said HI, but i am so happy this year made us grow closer. You're the person I look up to, if there is anything I would die to be, it's as dedicated as you are (mashallah)...

Last but not least, Innocence, my first acquaintance at university, and though it was brief, I am glad it lasted. I was slightly disappointed when you left me in our first year, because I saw a friend in you, so I had to follow your foot steps and join you...and here I am leaving again... What a twist?

So many memories, we laughed, we cried (well I did most of that for you all), and the year is officially coming to an end. I pray to God we all succeed in our studies, I pray we all succeed in our future, in the choices and decisions we make. I can't thank you all for a better year, better experiences, you have been my life mentors, I have learned so much this year about life, the hardships, the pieces of cake... Birthdays will never be the same thanks to goodies and thawaka :P!

Thank you x x x

P.S. The Bridal shower was just amazing, thank you allwho participated, I loved every second! The talents that emerged and the cake... The best cake EVER! I love you guys....

Dwell on this..

2007-06-29T21:40:00.000+03:00

Savvy Doc.

Top 10 Lessons of the Year (06/07)

2007-06-23T16:57:00.000+03:00

10) Keep a Record. Jot down those significant experiences, DATE everything- papers/pictures/random written thoughts, take photos, do anything that will help you remember these days years from now. Life passes quickly- don't let it pass and be forgotten.

9) Expectations. They may shock you sometimes, and every once in a while they won't turn out as you imagined. But don't let that break you. Always keep in mind that things aren't always as they seem but they're that way for a reason.

8) Caution. Be careful when dealing with people- their actions and reactions may shock you. Be careful when speaking- think your words out in your head before they come out and you can't take them back. Be careful who you trust- some people's kindness can easily deceive anyone.

7) Believe. Through all the obstacles you will face, having a firm belief that this is all just a test of your faith will help you overcome it. Believe in yourself and above all, in God. "On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear." (Quran- 2/286)

6) Enthusiasm. It's everything. When you love what you're doing, are excited about accomplishing it, and are always willing to improve on it, you will thrive. That little bit of extra effort makes all the difference.

5) Consistency. You will meet many people, experience many things, and learn many lessons. Life will change you, it will help you grow and mature and gain knowledge and awareness. But no matter what you're faced with, don't let it change you for the worse. Know your principles and stick to them.

4) Prioritize. Know what you want to achieve, and work for it. Know what matters to you, and care about it. Know who's most important to you, and live for them.

3) Learn. Everything around you can teach you something new if you look at it deeply enough. Observe, explore, ponder, and learn.

2) Be Grateful. For everything and everyone in your life. You won't know what you're lucky enough to have been blessed with until it's not a part of your life anymore.

1) Spiritualize. Get closer to God and you will gain a satisfaction you never imagined possible. You will be granted an incredible inner serenity. You will be blessed with an undisturbable peace of mind. It will change your life.

Savvy Doc.

A Quote of a Lifetime

2007-06-21T14:32:00.000+03:00

"What does not kill you, makes you stronger"

V. Allow Your Integrity to Speak Up.

2007-06-18T15:08:00.000+03:00

In the end, does it really matter? I mean after all is said and done, how much of it will truly be remembered? When our time here is over, how much of it will you proudly take with you?

We live.. We're here on a short journey, one that is constantly testing our every step, our every word, our every action. We're faced with the most random drivers along the way- the occasional maniac who gets in your way from out of the blue, the not-so-uncommon bump from behind, the acquaintances who simply greet you as they pass by, or the friends who jump in and keep you company for parts of the ride.

It's not always easy, this journey. The road isn't always nice and sleek, but you keep going nonetheless. Every once in a while, you run out of fuel, a tire flattens, the engine blows, but you find a way out, you get it fixed, and you jump back in and go on with the ride. Why? Because you have to. You're on a journey. It's up to you to never give up on it. It's yours to overcome the scratches and speed bumps you'll undeniably face. It's yours to enjoy, to feel the wind in your hair, the sun on your face, the beautiful view surrounding you. It's your ride.. Your moment of truth.. Indulge in it.

People will try to get in your way, and they may be hard to push aside sometimes. They may succeed at pulling you back. They may decide to suddenly leave you behind. But if you can overcome that, does it really matter why they did it to begin with? Brush it off, but learn the lesson.. And vow not to make their same mistake. Be grateful that you were blessed with the strength to keep going, the piece of mind that they can't ever mess around with, and the incessant belief in your dignified self. They will always be there, those bumps in the road, the road blocks meters up ahead, the miserable storm that blocks your view. There's no running away from them. The only way out is to face it all, head up. Overcome it, and keep going. The journey is yours and you can make something wonderful out of it.

Savvy Doc.

Is it "Me" or "Us"

2007-05-30T20:52:00.000+03:00

In a world where "it's every man for himself", we should always remember that candles MELT to LIGHT for everyone.

Classy doc.

Alone.

2007-05-25T00:01:00.000+03:00

Aren't we all?

Savvy Doc.

Remember Us.

2007-05-24T23:57:00.000+03:00

Remember us for all that we have left for you..
Remember us for we have done nothing new..
Remember us for all the terror we imposed on the world..
Remember us for all the terror we imposed on ourselves..
Remember us for we lived to disrespect..
Remember us for our "pride" blinded us..
Remember us for we disregarded our religion..
Remember us for we have brought shame on our mothers..
Remember us for we have brought shame on our fathers..
Remember us for we have taken you 5000 years back..
Remember us for we erased history and heritage..
Remember us for we used technology to corrupt..
Remember us for we replaced right with wrong..
Remember us for all we cared for was wealth..
Remember us for all we cared about was filth..
Remember us for we were spoiled and damaged..
Remember us for we lacked remorse, guilt, and a conscious..
Remember us for we indulged on stupidity and ridicule..
Remember us for we have not cared for anyone but ourselves..
Remember us for we do not care what happens to you..
Remember us for we turned lightness into bitter dark..
Remember us for we had no voice at all..
Remember us for we never put up a fight..
Remember us for we were too scared to lose what we had..
Remember us for what we had means nothing at all..
Remember us for we inflicted countless wars on the world..
Remember us for we lived to see our rise and our fall..
Remember us for we have left you with nothing ... nothing at all..

Wicked Doc.

The weather

2007-05-20T18:08:00.000+03:00

Mr. Rain: Hello Perky Doc!

Perky: why hellooo Mr. Rain!

Mr. Rain: How are you?

Perky: I'm alright...I missed you!

Mr. Rain: ummm...I was just with you 2 mins ago...?! *worried*

Perky: Oh is that so? *smiling*. well I guess I got acquainted to your presence in my life.

Mr. Rain: You know, you need to get new friends. Go out more. You're not looking too green these days. Your reflection is more of a blue-ish color, and that's not good.

Perky: But I like YOU! *sad face*. Fine, who do you suggest?

Mr. Rain: well...Mr. Sun misses you for starters. He cannot shine without his sunshine you know.

Perky: Sunshine....? hmmm....*taking a few moments to think and is somewhat reluctant..* Mr. Rain will you help me be Mr. Sun's friend again?

Mr. Rain: Of course I will. Mind you, it won't be easy, but don't worry...you will be okay and you won't miss me as much as you think you will. But I'll drop by every once in a while just to be with you.

And so, the weather started to gradually change with a lot of effort, determination and belief from Perky.

Mr. Rain lessened his visits and took his dark blue clouds far away....Heck, they are CLOUDS...it doesn't matter WHAT color they are (preferably pink though), cuz they will always be engraved in her Heart.

Mr. Sun enjoyed Perky's company, and even though he realised that it'll take him a long time before he fully shone once again, he had faith in his sunshine and knew that she'll come back to him soon to help him do what he does best.

In the end, Perky realised that she cannot seperate the different kinds of weather in her life. Because if Mr. Rain and Mr. Sun had never gotten a chance to mingle every once in a while, there wouldn't have been a Mr. Rainbow! Have you found yours?

A Rainy Sunshine in search for her Rainbow. Will the wind take me there?
Perky Doc.

Untitled

2007-05-19T05:10:00.000+03:00

pay no attention to what I’m going to write .. this is all random

People love to judge. Unfortunately, you can’t force anyone to see the truth, just like you can’t force a blind man to see. You can’t force a ship to sink in the sea (but I’d love to beat the shit out of that ship n make it sink all on its own) .. nevermind.

We live in a society of victimization. oh how people are much more comfortable being victimized that standing up for themselves. We must strive to end the violence but who will hear our unheard voices.

There are days when I have these faithful moments, moments where I feel like everybody will realize that we’ve gone too far and that we need to appreciate the little things. Other days I just think the world deserves to be destroyed.
These days I can’t even imagine that a good world .. a safe world ever existed.
Will peace ever come knocking on our door?

People who wish for fame and money are considered egotistic, superficial and shallow. People who wish to stop the agony and pain, they’re considered unrealistic and naive.

Who defined normal and made us all abide.
Why are dreams crushed and all set aside?
Replaced by "reality" "truth" and "pride".
Killed by sarcasm and murdered by deride.

Wicked Doc.

Fairy Tale vs Real World

2007-05-18T12:24:00.000+03:00

I remember when I was a kid, I used to always dream of growing up. I used to sit and picture what kind of a fascinating and magnificent life i’ll lead. Come to think of it, isnt that what we all thought and still think? No one ever thinks they’ll be “average” or lead an “ordinary” life. Everyone thought they’re bound to achieve greatness, be exceptional, phenomenal, meant to make a difference. You grow up deluded you’ll have it all. The prosperous, successful career doing something you’re passionate about, the perfect husband who happens to be your soul mate and who you were destined to be with, the smart, beautiful children sent from heaven, the 15 acre mansion, the Phantom Rolls Royce, the spectacular getaway in Malibu or Tuscany, the endless closets with haute coutures sent to you by the most prominent designers in the business who you happen to be very good friends with. No? Just me? :p oh well you get the picture. My point being what if you never get what you want. What if that perfect reality you once imagined you’d live is just that, a figment of your imagination? What if not everyone is that lucky? You get the brilliant career but you end up with a cheating abusive bastard who’s a sorry excuse for a husband or you marry the love of your life but you have no career, you’re broke and your seconds away from living on the curb.

I personally believe you can never get the perfect package. I mean really what are the odds you’d find a Raoul Bova look alike in Saudi? huh?:p Im one of those people that believe you have to learn how to compromise, maybe then you’ll end up with an almost perfect life. The question is how much will you be willing to compromise? If you’re willing to settle for less, how much less are we talking? How much is too much?

Anyways, all that got me thinking about “The One” theory. You know, the one that states there’s a perfect match, an ultimate soul mate for each and every one of us out there and if you wait long enough you’ll find him/her. Honestly that sounds like a load of crap to me. Statistically speaking, what are the odds you’ll end up with your “other half”? There are over 6 billion people in the world and only one is meant for you? How do you know if that “one” even lives in the same country? What if you already met him and let him go without realizing who you were letting go? What if your “one” is a junkie/pimp who was already shot and killed in some gangster fight? i got carried away i know :p

Bottom line, do you think we all need to believe we’ll have our fairy tale ending? Do we hold on to that with everything we’ve got, that shred of hope? Or do we choose to live in the real, harsh reality that there’s a possibility we wont get what we want and be prepared to just settle for average?

Glam

Classy doc lost in thoughts

2007-05-16T17:56:00.000+03:00

I’m not a big fan of poetry, however there is a poem that has inspired, encouraged, and motivated me for as long as I can remember, and it still does. It helped me survive through many “life” experiences. And it certainly is guiding me through the “real world”, as it is now making sense to me more than ever. So I thought I’d share it with you. Here it is…

IF by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you

But make allowance for their doubting too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,

If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much,

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

Pink Mini iPod and Innocence

2007-05-16T08:38:00.000+03:00

By the end, I would've mentioned a friend 10 times

Innocent, yet in noway naive

Innocent, yet in noway unaware. Devoted and committed to the life she leads, and the friends she makes... Innocence is everyones friend. The neutral one, she will be faced with two diverse sides, but will never be biased. She is fair.

PMiP's first friend at uni... and totally randomly, from the day we registered! Fresh, in a culture shock, but a person willing to adjust, willing to find the good in life, born and breed a Saudi, a true patriot(:P)

The person you want to have around all the time, work or play, the company is undeniably fun and productive... Innocence's lively nature attracts everyone... There aren't many like her...

PMiP will never forget, but she will always be Man U! (After all, the one thing innocence is guilty of is Arsenal!)

Pink Mini iPod and the Fairy God Mother

2007-05-15T23:18:00.000+03:00

By the end, I would've mentioned a friend 11 times

Our motherly figure. The quiet one, yet the most outgoing (along with snow)! Our fairy God mother fights for our rights, endlessly... and despite the betrayals, despite the back wounds, she will persevere.

At first, PMiP felt unwanted, but then fairy God mother opened up her heart, PMiP saw a whole different side, a side that she is in admiration of... Compassionate, loving, and full of passion, the fairy God mother is always trying to make our lives easier!

Dedicated... when she speaks you see vision. She knows what she wants out of this life, whether it be in her studies or her general future... PMiP prays all her wishes come true... she deserves it

I want to be like her when I grow up.

Speechless…

2007-05-15T21:40:00.000+03:00

People hate you for who you are, they hate you for the way you think, and they wouldn’t accept you as you are, they hate you for being outspoken, and for not thinking the same way as they do, they hate you for standing up for yourself, and for what you believe in…they might even envy your relationship with your friends…they smile at you and then they backstab you, and when you face them they blame it on you…no matter what you do for them, they will always hate you, because that’s the way they are…they don’t know any better…

How should we react to it? Should we just ignore it and go on? Forget/forgive? Or should we just leave to avoid dealing with them ever again?

Classy doc.

IV. When Your Integrity is Shaken Up.

2007-05-15T21:19:00.000+03:00

Have you ever felt like you really don't belong somewhere? I mean literally, walked around in the midst of people who try to pretend that they don't look down on you and judge you for your differences (which, by the way are merely harmless differences)? Have you ever felt so much like the "outcast" that you question your presence then and there, and wonder why God put you in such a place with such people, then you feel bad because you know it's wrong that you're questioning your fate? Has it ever gotten so bad that you physically felt your integrity shaken up? Yes. Yes. And YES. And BELIEVE me when I say the pain is physical.

To give you a little insight, I grew up in very diverse communities (socially, school-wise, and family-wise.) On top of all that, my parents were always careful to make sure my siblings and I mingled with all types of people from all walks of life with different customs, beliefs, morals, etc. And it's something they stress until now- that I should never pass an opportunity to experience something new by meeting someone new. Why? Because that's the only way I'll ever truly be "exposed", fully experienced, the only way I can learn how to deal with all types of people, the only way I can become a better person by learning from people's good and avoiding their bad traits.

So when life took its course, I ended up here in KAAU. Call it irony, call it strange luck, call it a mistake, call it whatever you want to call it, from day one until today all I will call it is destiny. But if there's one thing I've learned in this place, it's that just when you think you've dealt with all types of people, you will be proven otherwise. You will meet a group of people that you never knew existed. To put it bluntly, never in my life have I had to deal with people like those with me in college at the moment. It's a crazy world in there, and it scares the guts out of me sometimes. A thought that crosses my mind very often, but I'm still in denial over, is that this is the "real world". Could it be, that ironically, after years of being exposed to people from everywhere, living in different communities, only when I entered university did I actually face the real world? I truly hope not!

You're probably wondering what goes on behind those walls that makes me feel that way. Well, for my sanity's sake, I won't get into details. But I'll tell you this. In university, I've had to deal with people who over and over and over again prove to me that their morals and standards are nothing like yours. Yes, we're all Muslims (il7amdillah), and you'd expect that we all have solid moral guidelines to follow, but it's nothing like that. To me, Islam consists of being honest to myself and to others, and I would NEVER backstab a fellow colleague or friend or anyone for that matter (yes, even if the person had done it to me). But they have shown me otherwise. To me, Islam does not prohibit a person from being outspoken and standing up for what they believe in, and working for what they want rather than simply complaining about it and doing nothing when they're given a solution. They have shown me otherwise. To me, I would never judge a fellow Muslim simply because she is "different" or her views on life differ from mine, or look down on her for that matter. They have been doing that to me and my friends for God knows how long (apparently we're the "isolated" group who are in a whole different world.) To me, it's not wrong to speak to male professors simply because they're men because they deserve the same amount of respect that we are giving our female professors. They seem to think otherwise.

Personally, I've put up with a lot since I entered this university, but today something happened that hit me hard. Something that would shake any human being's integrity. A classmate opened up to Classy and me and made it clear that most of our class look at us as the "outcasts". She basically told us that our differences make it hard for them to "accept" us as being just like everyone else.

Honestly, I still don't know what to say. What do I think about this whole thing? I'm still speechless. I'm shocked. I'm in awe. I began questioning my actions- when was I ever rude or mean to anyone? When did I ever give them the impression that I don't "want" them? When did I ever judge them solely on the fact that their way of living, their beliefs, or their morals differ from mine? When did I ever look down on them the way they clearly look down on me and my friends? Is this Islam? Am I the one doing it all wrong? After thinking all that, a tiny little voice inside me told me not to let it get to me. I've given them the benefit of the doubt even after they hit me hard by backstabbing me. I blamed my paranoia when I assumed that they were treating me differently simply because I seem like the "different" one. Did they deserve it in the end? As hard as it is to say this, I can't say they didn't, because everyone deserves a chance. But I will say that I know better now. I will be more cautious when I'm dealing with them, more aware. But I'm not willing to change. Not for them.

It's a strange world, one which shocks you just when you think you've almost figured it out. And people? Wow. Human nature is a mess, isn't it?

Savvy Doc.

"Cool Gardens" by Serj Tanakian

2007-05-14T22:34:00.000+03:00

System of a down is by far one of my favorite bands of all time. For a very long time i asked my self why a band with such powerful political views could affect me in such away. The answer is simple, System is real.

In the same way that Serj depicts his views (on politics and commercial brain-washing) through his songs, lyrically(with the addition of the music which just embroiders the lyrics) Serj portrays them through a collection of poetry showing off the variety of poetic skills that create such surreal yet vivid images that truly affect ones outlook on the injustices of todays world.

Though some of his poems are rather, lets say, revolting, the majority is the kind that makes you think. This is a book i want to breath not read.

Band background: the band is Armenian, with roots(and homes) in Iraq, and two of the band members were born in Lebanon. They have witnessed so many hardships together. Including, the Armenian genocide, the "war against terror" in Iraq(that led to the bombing of Daron, lead guitarist, home) and the civil war in Lebanon and the recent summer attacks on Lebanon, which enraged deep set emotions in the bands recent tours.

The portrayal of these views is often shown within their music and well elaborated through their videos. Compare "BYOB" to Orwell's 1984, watch "toxicity" a gorgeous video, "Boom" a video that portrays more of the recent event occurring in the USA, and don't miss out on "sugar" one of the more hardcore videos(and songs)but its great.
I could go on forever, i love these guys!

Check this link out
http://wrestlingcasa.tripod.com/systemofadown/id174.html

iDoc

IIIb. A Ponderer's Words.

2007-05-14T22:21:00.000+03:00

So tell me..

Forgiveness.. Have we truly forgiven if we have not forgotten? Or are forgiving and forgetting two separate actions, distinguished only by their occasional simultaneous occurrence?

Hesitation*.. Is it part of human nature, a trait arising from lack of confidence that merely "locks you out" sometimes? Or is it a defense mechanism, one of our mind's miraculous ways of subconsciously protecting us from that which may harm us?

Regret.. Is it our mind's way of looking back at our past mistakes, to help prevent us from falling into the same hole twice? Or is it simply a sharp blade, one which we are pointing straight at ourselves, "we" who may not have known better at the time, "we" who would be considerably different had we not made that mistake and learned from it?

*inspired by Vintage Doc

Savvy Doc.

Pink Mini iPod and the DJ

2007-05-14T21:37:00.000+03:00

By the end, I would have mentioned a friend 12 times

A spiritual DJ.
She guides us with laughter. You can't spend two seconds with her with out being overly amused. She is also wise. Always there to bring us back to reality, find our human part when we feel all is lost.

DJ can't bare see friendships falling apart. She brings people together, and makes friends easily. The unexpected friend... Yes PMiP Sees her A million and one ways differently now, than she ever did before. Extraordinary person to be with... not to mention the extraordinary taste in music that she bestows upon us all!

My coffee maker. Not that she ever made me any or got me any every morning :P!
Thank you...

Pink Mini iPod and HiFi

2007-05-14T20:56:00.000+03:00

By the end, I would've mentioned a friend 18 times

Volume up.
Hi-Fi creates an atmosphere, it pulls people in, it's fun to be around her.

Volume down.
PmiP and Hi-Fi have undeniably had their downs. Hi-Fi doesn't always fit with PMiP, but she truly is one special friend to her, that even when that happens PMiP can't let it go on for long.

Rewind
An exceptional child prodigy. people loved her, and school opened doors for her. one of the best.

Fast- forward
Hi-Fi is unsure, most of the time, but we all know she shouldn't be, she has a lot to be proud of, and a lot to look forward to...she can be excellent in her field, PMiP knows she will be.

Change the CD
She better not... it's everything that has happened that makes PMiP like her, and respect her. PMiP will always cherish her. She is the artist, who embellished my journal with her masterpieces....

BRAIN OR HEART???

2007-05-13T21:15:00.000+03:00

A couple of days ago I heard an interesting medical news/fact on TV.
Contrary to what everyone knows about our thoughts that they are controlled by the brain, recent research suggests that the HEART is the one that controls our thoughts and learning abilities!!
Scientists found that there are certain cells (thinking- like neurons…I guess!) present in the heart that control our thoughts through our emotions and those thoughts are then transmitted directly to the brain.
A patient who needed a heart transplant received a heart from a donor who was a musician. Before the procedure the patient knew nothing about music, however after he got the musician’s heart he became one of the most renowned musicians in the world!!!
And another patient who received a poet’s heart was able to write poetry after the transplantation!!
So if you were to receive a new heart (God forbid) whose heart would you want???

To be continued…

Classy Doc.

Single/Pretty By Choice!!! ;D

2007-05-12T14:51:00.000+03:00

Mood: LOL
Listening to: Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun LOL!!

So..Med school, the place where you are the best only IF you can give ALL the best, simple huh!
actually, It really is, it just depends on your standards, excuse me sorry i meant depends on how HIGH your standards are!!
Giving all of you best, challenging your mental capabilities,burning off calories out of stress and exhaustion, gaining them back then bringing carrots,yogurt, za3tar sandwiches,weetabix even papaya in small plastic food containers trying to burn them again. LOL!
killing our time with books and enjoying chats with papers.
Basically, being in med school "in particular";
It is "hard" almost imPossible to maintain a stylish i repeat stylish appearance on campus!LOL !

styling our hair or brushing it at least-
putting on makeup or basics at least-
shaving our arms and legs without a 3azeema at least loool (3azeema is an Arabic word meaning a formal gathering of family members friends etc.)

All that and more have shifted from our priority list to another sort of list , a secondary one where we express our motto to the world:

"we cut people open but we are still feminine" ;P

Funna'h!!!
The way i see it, it's not impossible to look pretty during college, but the fact that we
SUCK in manging our time to fit our needs and duties is what we mostly find impossible,
Am one of those people who CREATE more time every day, to stand in front of the mirror and "fix" my self,loool @ how we all look once we wake up "HUMAN NATURE"!!
I recently got my hair cut and my eyebrows done and that's it.That's all i did!
Woke up today,went to collage,living my day,every thing normal till a rumor/joke-which was started by a very DEEP blogger in here- .The rumor spreads out saying: Am Engaged!! lol
Yeah the only reason am looking cute, pretty or beautiful is because i got engaged
i have no time, no perception of my beauty and no uplifting self esteem activity unless i am to "entertain" a partner of the other sex of course
it was a joke of course LOOOL a hilarious one for what it caused:
colleagues, approaching me,not to make sure of the rumor, not to even ask but to simply unbelievably congratulate me!

yeah MED SCHOOL:
where you have no excuse for looking stylish ! it's prohibited cause then
you would have exceeded the limit of professionalism ;P

VINTAGE DOC..
P.S. LOL

IIIa. A Ponderer's Words.

2007-05-09T20:18:00.000+03:00

So tell me..

Awkwardness.. Are things simply as awkward as we make them? Or do some things which have deviated from our norm inevitably reach a point of uncomfortableness when dealt with?

Belief.. It keeps us going, gives us the strength to hold on, and we find it so commonly in simple things around us. Yet why do we find it so hard to believe in something that unconditionally deserves all of our belief- ourselves?

Perfection.. Is it purely a mental picture, drawn by those desperate for something to believe in, or does it truly exist in everything that we know?

Savvy Doc.

Pink Mini iPod and Butterfly

2007-05-07T20:00:00.000+03:00

By the end of this entry I would have mentioned a friend 8 times

Flutter by butterfly...
She's always here always there, a very pleasurable acquaintance.
Butterfly plays the flute (2 a day), descending into the mysterious ocean, herself.
She shies away from confrontation, but butterfly is the first to lend a hand (out of experience).
My admiration for her is immense, and my respect is even more so.
Though our time's are in different places, butterfly will always be a very good friend...to each and every one of us.

iDoc

Judging people… What a superficial world!!

2007-05-03T22:28:00.000+03:00

We all do it, whether we’re aware of it or not. It is an inevitable human habit. I wonder why we “humans” tend to do it. Why do we make snap judgments on people everyday? Why can’t we accept people as they are? Why can’t we stop categorizing them, think less of them or make perceptions about them according to their appearance, race, culture, religion, nationality, or by who their relatives are? Is it because of a past experience with someone who is in a way the same? Is it the media that has convinced us to dislike certain people by presenting their image in an unlikable way? Are we that prejudice and superficial that we come to the conclusion about other people’s characters without even knowing them? Or are we just so cruel to the extent that we are using people to have fun?!

Judgment has turned us into a superficial world that only cares about “looks” and nothing else. Most people spend tremendous amount of time, money, and energy trying to get that “perfect” look to impress others. This drives our attention from imperative things like ethics, principles, honesty and values. These are the things that will matter the most in the end.

It’s ok to feel comfortable with people that have the same values, background, taste, or social class as us, but then we shouldn’t avoid others who are just “different”. Human nature tends to repel things (or people, in this case) it thinks of as “bad”, so when we set preconceived ideas about people, we get rid of any chance of getting to know them.

We all need to be loved, respected, listened to and most importantly understood in order to survive this life. Some people may be shy or find it difficult to open up, or they’re just not themselves when they meet new people. We must make an effort to understand people. We must realize that each person is different and has his or her own values and beliefs. We should respect that and give them a chance to express themselves.

We should start to look at things deeply and not superficially. We must keep in mind that we “humans” are all equal, we are all made by one creator, and we’re all born pure, and in whatever way life changes people, it is none of our business!!

And for all those who feel that they are being judged: “Stop trying to fit in, when you were born to stand out."

Classy doc

Life’s Trilogy Finale-Part III-

2007-05-02T23:22:00.000+03:00

Mood: a state of certitude
Listening to: *my self* ;P

Life’s trilogy Finale
-Part III-
LifE; what have you Established?!

"By strong action on the way,one can bring the body to the realm of longevity, bring the mind to the sphere of mystery, bring the world to great peace, and bring tasks to great fulfillment" ~SUN TZY

Establishment in life is what we live for, establishment of our duties to God is why we are in life in first place, never forget the purpose and you will always establish..
Establishment, is what we recall of those who died leaving their names in history as a proof of their work, creativity, and intellectuality.
"Malcome X, Albert Einistien, Emily Dicknson ,Micheal Jackson, Andalusia's Famous poets, Najeeb mahfooz, Jubran Khalil Junbran, RafiqueAl Harrieri, king Faisal Al Saud .....ect"
It’s because of their establishments, their names will LIVE forever
But let's settle for a Universal human role model, one that established the ultimate achievement of all time, one that had "the massage" to deliver to the whole world, to humans and others, one like no other human in the whole world and one that didn't only engrave his name in history but MADE HISTORY!!
Our Prophet Mohammed Peace Be Upon Him..
Have a true confessional moment with your self! Ask your self what have you established?
what will you establish? ..Remembering that your first, primary and main task is establishing
your life to your creater , to GOD!
oh and don't spend too much time asking, because time isn't measured in a sand glass clock any more,it can’t be stopped,.All you can do is count the sand particles, because each and every second counts!

..Vintage Doc..

Acknowledgments:
My Life’s trilogy is a three-part series about three major self defining topics in life, Each one follows a topic that starts with A letter in the word “LIFE”

Part I:Loss
The constant process of strengthening my faith, immobilizing my vanity and
reshaping of my being
Part II: Inspiration
What proves am alive!! can you honestly live without breathing
Part III : Establishment
I read, think, seek and Establish
~~~~~~

There’s no F in my Life’s trilogy for Life is one big fat L.I.E!!
P.S This idea of removing the F from the word LIFE,to form the word Lie,isn't initiated by me,

Life has offered me many lessons ,chances and experiences, many I’ve “lived”, and a few I’ve left, yet I haven't seen enough. that's why Life is LIE..

you see In order to live life right...umm wait let me sound more reasonable;
In order to just live you must realize, comprehend and admit that what you are living in life is a LIE; an illusion, a period of an exam you have to take
Then what's the TRUTH????
Simple:

..Eternity..

It is the truth, where
Immortality is the inevitable,
Forever is not never but is ever so real,
It’s the final destination, it's the Truth we fear facing.
~~~~~~~~
As soon as you realize that you will learn to live life as a L.I.E not a lie

Special Thanks to:

`Our God, are only savor, all mighty:Allah..for the precious life we are blessed with
May God Lighten our days with his blessings, strengthen our faith with patience, give us pure inner peace to hold to in life and help us BELIEVE that it’s Life is a L.I.E!!!
`A special thanks to A special friend who once told me sarcastically :
"Life’s more than a trilogy”. thanks to the idea NOT sarcasim,am inspired to state that:
Even though there's a lot of things waiting for us, a lot to loose, a lot to be inspired from, and way too much to establish ;the Irony of life implies that there's also a phrase we usually use which is:

"Just living”

living the day, intercommunicating, loving and caring, taking a break from routines, and analyzing sessions, gradually meditating and stopping before we reach that centered black hollow hole in the wall of spiritual philosophy.
This has helped me realize that there's more to life then a trilogy, more than a three part series, perhaps an endless series, one no alphabets can hide,one of complicated, deranging, frequently enjoyable tasks you worry so much about fulfilling while in the end,it’s just A task.

`Finally, I would like to thank every person who took the time to read my trilogy,

"MY life's trilogy; three keys given to you, leaving you unlock your life"`Vintage Doc..

My own memory...

2007-05-02T21:01:00.000+03:00

The Persistence of Memory "also called Soft Watches or Melting Clocks" is one of the most famous paintings by the surrealist Salvador Dali'. When I first saw it in one of my art classes I admired it and admired the way Dali' expressed himself in his work. So I wanted to know more. What is surrealism? and what does this painting mean? This force of curiosity I call led me to search into the complicated yet meaningful movement of Art, and this is what I've interpreted.

****
Basically Surrealism is expressing thoughts in a philosophical way, which is not only restricted to visual art and usually involves an element of surprise. The psychoanalysis of Sigmund Freud have inspired Surrealism, when he interpreted dreams and showed that "most of our mind, like an iceberg, lies beneath the surface in the depths of the unconscious, and that the thinking, feeling and action of man is decisively informed by unconscious powers". Therefore, most of the surrealists' work is a mix between dream and reality, which is why it's called "super-reality".
****
Usually when I look deeply into a painting like this, I feel like I am dipping into the dream world where the real outside world has been replaced by the "reality of mind", and that Dali's thoughts are no longer driven by the conscious mind but by "higher centers" as we say in Med.
It also illustrates real objects Clocks in an unrealistic manner soft, making it look like "dream visions dragged into reality".
For Dali', "clocks are instruments of measurement, which represented the reality principle, while soft objects belonged to the pleasure principle". I saw a connection between preception of time and space so that the soft clocks are "flowing" through space, meaning that time is flowing. It also "give the impression of a time and space of memory dissolving into the distance, and unconsciously influences the experience of the present".
****
This area of art where there is an overlap between art, expressionism and psychology influenced me to the extent that it was my inspiration in the art exam final piece, and I ended up with an unexpected grade!! Thats why I think that Dali' "the painterly photographer of dreams" deserves a "space" in the "memory" of this blog!!!
****

<<<-----------------------
My final piece...
Sporty Doc.

****

LOST

2007-04-30T12:09:00.000+03:00

LOST.......

you're lost in love
lost in hatred
in denial
in happiness
in thoughts
work
....

point is you're lost
no matter what you do
you're lost

people are always lost
and waiting to be found
waiting for the precise moment where they'll be saved..
loved..
cherished..
appreciated..

just waiting for their saviour
and the sad part is
their saviour may never show....

LOUD

Biggest Fear.

2007-04-29T18:16:00.000+03:00

"The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.
I broke something, Old Man.
How badly is it broken?
It's in a million little pieces.
I'm afraid I can't help you.
Why?
There's nothing you can do.
Why?
It can't be fixed.
Why?
It's broken beyond repair. It's in a million little pieces."
-James Frey (from "A Million Little Pieces")

Biggest fear: The unfixable.
We all fear it, whether we know it or not. It's at the root of all our fears, at the back of our minds in every move we make. Why? Because deep down, the thing that keeps us going is knowing that there's still hope, time, a chance to make it right. The thing that keeps us going is knowing that we can mess up, or that life can mess us up, and there would still be room to undo the wrong. So losing that belief, losing that hope, and seeing the dead end up ahead, it's bound to scare us, whether we want to believe it or not.

The life lived without following the rules God so clearly set down for us.. "Wrong" forever.
The relationship that can't be fixed no matter how much belief you have in it.. "Over" forever.
The lives lost due to a series of incidents beyond our control.. "Gone" forever.
The mistakes made, but never faced, never fixed.. "Guilty" forever.
The words regrettably spoken, taken back, but never forgotten.. "Hurt" forever.
The children emotionally unstable, losing their innocence far too early.. "Disturbed" forever.
The unfixable.
Fix it before it's too late. Fix it before it becomes unfixable.

p.s. good book, and the sequel "My Friend Leonard" is even better :)

Savvy Doc.

"It's Just Emotions" (lesson 6)

2007-04-27T21:53:00.001+03:00

By the end of this entry I would express 6 sensations

I'm happy, even though it's sometimes hard to be. I don't want to lose so much time unhappy, so i try my best to erase that, even if i where to mask it, doesn't matter, at the end I have a life to take charge of, others don't. Be happy, it can't be that bad, and if it is it can't get any worse!

I'm in love, and it's the best feeling to experience. Yes, sometimes i wonder if it's true, if this whole “love” thing actually exists! It's just so stereotypical to fall in love that it just makes you wonder if it ever was real... It must be real, there hasn't been a stronger feeling I've felt. Fall in love. Don't live in the misunderstanding that it doesn't exist, once you believe in it, doors will open, you will love yourself, your family, your work much more than you ever thought possible.

I'm confused. I'm not quite sure this is an emotion, but it sure feels very emotional. My heart says one thing, my head says another, and I end up not knowing what to do. Yes, it's lessons, its tests from God, but I don't want to hear that, I KNOW that. What do I want to hear? Nothing, feel... I want to feel the words in my ear, the touch on my skin, I want a hug... pathetic I know, but it's almost a cure from everything that a soul may endure. A simple wrapping of arms around another persons body to give/ receive comfort, a hug!

I'm afraid. I don't know why, I am strangely at ease, yet I am afraid of leaving, afraid of change... too much has changed in the last years, I should be well immune, but it's taken a different road this time.

I am in anticipation of what's to come. I am desperate to know my life's outcome, what will happen to me, what decisions am I going to make, what career path I will take, will I keep promises made? I like to take life as it comes, but right now I just want to know what will happen, big decisions do that to you... I hope it all goes well.

iDoc

Perfection.

2007-04-26T23:54:00.000+03:00

You dreamed of it...
Hoped for it...
Never saw it coming...
Greeted it with arms wide open...
Knew it was perfect...
It was your dream come true...
But soon...
Perfect became not perfect enough...
Beautiful became not beautiful enough...
And that's when life turns from almost perfect to unbearable.

Wicked Doc.

my imperfect life is great...

The Persistence of Memory

2007-04-23T21:30:00.000+03:00

what does this mean to you? how would you interpret this pic?

Sporty Doc.

II. A Swirl of Thoughts.. Unwinded.

2007-04-23T20:31:00.000+03:00

If there's one thing I've learned over and over and over again, it's that LIFE is something we will never reach the depths of. It inspires us. It amuses us. It shapes us. It breaks us. The one thing it never does though, is just let us be. Life will go on until a higher power decides otherwise. It will constantly pull at our senses, poke at our weaknesses, play with our thoughts and beliefs. It will get the best of us if we allow it. Life. What a word, what an enigma, what complex simplicity.

Recently, I've been going through a strange phase. I still don't know what triggered it, or what caused me to think deeply of it. All I can remember is the beginning of a search for something that would help me overcome that "phase" in one piece and as a better person. I won't bore you with the details, but here's a bit of what I came out with so far..

A friend told me to give our friendship "time"- to grow, to evolve, to reveal its true meaning. And deep down, I knew I was more than willing to give it all the time it needs, but nonetheless, I still find it amazing how we always seem to think that we have all the time in the world, when in reality it's only running out by the second. Coming to such a realization kind of makes you not want to fall asleep, in fear of losing anymore time; it urges you to use your time wisely, as it is all you have to make something of yourself and of your life; it terrifies you, because no one knows when their time will be up. So yes, give things time, but don't wait too long. Learn when to let go, balance your life out, find a higher purpose and a deeper meaning. Stop living on the surface. Instead, be ready to dive down to reach your true potential.

I asked myself a question. I asked myself if I was the person I've always dreamed of being, and I was surprised to find that a long list of questions came along with it. I could only help but ask myself why.. Why do we spend so much energy living a life that we're not completely satisfied with? Why are we frequently in the dark as to what direction we want our lives to take? I know that a huge catch to being a part of this world is accepting the "unknown" and the fact that sometimes, no matter how hard you look you may never find what you are searching for. Or that sometimes, no matter how hard you try you will not fulfill that goal or satisfy that temptation. Or that sometimes, life can surprise you in ways you never imagined possible. But all of that shouldn't stop you from making the most out of your time here. It's up to you to make it work, and it's up to you to accept the fact that life will run its course despite your actions and desires.

In the end, it all comes down to what you're doing with your life, from the goals you're trying to achieve, to the people you're trying to become, and the key is to be honest with yourself. A friend's words have lingered in me from the day she spoke them.. "This (medicine) is the one thing I'm doing with my life, so I might as well do it right." Okay, maybe some people do have more to their life than simply their studies/career, but the difference between those who succeed and those who are just "average" is the key to recognizing these priorities. Because only when you pinpoint those things that mean something to will you be able to put your effort into making them all work. Only when you know where to focus your time and effort will you thrive.

All in all, I think that sometimes you're lucky enough to go through certain experiences that cause you to pause and take a deep look at your life. And when you get that urge to dwell on the person you have become, it's up to you to learn something from it. As people, we tend to complicate things. We exagerrate the unimportant, we dwell on the irrelevant. So determine those things that truly matter to you, start caring about them enough to reach your potential, and you'll find that they will all fall into place. Beginning now, have faith that it'll all work out, that everything happens for a reason, and that you are the one person who can make your journey of life worthwhile. Make something EXTRAORDINARY out of your life. You know it's possible.

Savvy Doc.

Having a Goal Makes All The Difference…

2007-04-23T19:19:00.000+03:00

It’s been so long since my last entry, which was my first!!! I somehow got in a depressive mood, and I'm not so optimistic as I was since then. The pressure and stress of studying were building up, I hated everything that I was doing, I thought that I couldn't devote my life to something that I wasn’t crazy about. I could never imagine what I was going be doing in the future, I felt lost and out of place and whenever anyone asked me about my dream or ambition for the future, I could only say “I just want to be happy”. I could not think of anything else to say, I could not define the things that my happiness lies under.

A few weeks passed before vintage doc asked us to draw what we saw when we thought of medicine, and the first thing that came to mind was to color the paper black… that scared me!!! Two days later, my friends and I attended an ECG course that we’d been longing to attend. I woke up early in the morning, barely getting any sleep the night before. We decided to wear black pants instead of jeans and proper shoes instead of converse with the lab coats, in hope of being as "professional" as possible. We were the youngest there, and we arrived an hour before the course started. Obviously we were very excited about it!! The course was dull at first, but then it got very interesting as it progressed. We learned how to read normal ECGs and how to interpret changes in them. The lecturer started involving us more by asking questions, and was very interactive. Usually in lectures my concentration does not last for more than half an hour! This course lasted for six hours, without us getting tired!! It was amazing how we were able listen for that long without getting fed up. I was surprised that I enjoyed listening and learning, I couldn’t believe that I actually liked what I was doing…

When I went back home, I spent the rest of the day telling my family how impressive that course was, and how much I liked that field. What I learned in that course gave me hope, gave me a goal to aim at, and allowed me to dream of becoming a doctor (cardiac surgeon inshallah) for the first time in my life! And I’m willing to devote my life to it. So you guys, if I ever change my mind, please help me get back on track… Now, when I study, the only thing that keeps me going is thinking of that dream of mine. I think of becoming successful, and I believe (at least for now) that success is the only thing that’s gonna make me happy. And, if I were to draw something when I think of medicine now, I’d draw a heart!! To some of my friends this was just another course that wasted half of our weekend, but to me this course made me decide what I want to spend the rest of my life HAPPILY doing.

classy doc

TotAl RaNdOmNeSS! @#$%k

2007-04-22T18:22:00.000+03:00

Mood: Total random state of mind
Listening to: Cinema by:Serart *;)IDOC*

am on PAUSE and i like it....
I Won't Rewind ,or Forward
I might PLAY, go back to PAUSE later but hey
I'll never STOP!!

Dear Diary,
It's been so long since the last time i wrote to you/in you!!.It's just so awkward how days are passing by like hours,I mean i don't feel Sundays, i barely survive Fridays and months.. .
Months are the calender papers you tear off each day,today is April yesterday was march and tomorrow is going to be warm sunny MAY. Sure that's time and this is life which by the way will end soon!!,
why so soon! I'll tell you as soon as i know the difference between soon,later and NOW!,,Hopefully before it's too late ;P
Ironic isn't it!!

Denying.. I Hate it
Sleeping.. I'm starting to
Caffeine.. IN NEED
Screaming.. wanna join?

Be aware, be afraid , for the world is not the one we see
but what we don't
& sadly "you" don't feel it!!

..Vngiate..

Random Rambling on Learning to Live

2007-04-21T22:38:00.000+03:00

I learned every one of these lessons the hard way .. but they're forever engraved in me.

Ok so you can worry about what “might” happen in the future, you can complain about how things didn’t turn out the way you expected them to, or you can choose to live life in this moment. Right now is all that matters .. because you never know what might happen a decade from now .. all you know is now .. Whatever you choose to do with your life is up to you .. but always remember:
-Life is happening right now..
-Be thankful for every experience, good or bad, because as long as you’re experiencing and feeling things .. then you know you’re alive .. so accept your experiences and understand the msg they are trying to say to you..
-Never fear life .. because life is a gift .. a blessing .. death is inevitable.
-Live healthy .. inside and out..
-Leave nothing unsaid .. you might never get the chance to say them..
-Don’t wait for tomorrow, do what you love today..
-No matter how big u screw up .. face it .. face your mistakes .. make people wonder why you’re still here after all..
-Always keep smiling

Experience the present moment before it passes you by ..

Wicked Doc.

In Loving Memory.

2007-04-07T13:07:00.000+03:00

Goodbyes have a way of lingering inside of you after the initial shock has faded away. Sometimes, their insignificance makes them easy to ignore; other times, you're consciously aware of them every moment of every day.. They remain a part of you.. A constant reminder of what those who have gone for good once meant to you..
I MISS YOU.

Savvy Doc.

Pink Mini iPod and Scalpel

2007-04-02T19:24:00.000+03:00

By the end of this entry I would have mentioned a friend 16 times

ORIGIN: Modesty, true friendship and family values/ traditions.

Scalpel is P.M.i.Ps university mother. Sharp and keeps her within limits, a disciplinary. Scalpel is a gem. Everyone is happy to know her, she gives life a different aura…life is fun with scalpel.

INSERTION: Into each of her friend’s hearts.

Scalpel is one of those people you’d tell your grandchildren about. How proud you are to have been lucky enough to know her, use her as an example of a person that should be idolized. Her achievements (not just academic), already makes us admire her.

NERVE SUPPLY: Fun and a book of faces.

Scalpel is the one you go to when you need sunshine in your life. She brightens up your day by one flash of that gorgeous smile of hers (:P).

ACTION: Pleasing and caring for others.

Scalpel never fail to make you smile. You can’t but wish for all the happiness in the world for her.

iDoc

5 Steps of Moving On

2007-03-27T12:48:00.000+03:00

So, Savvy has been bugging me about posting a new entry and I’m guessing it’s about time. See I upset Savvy a few days ago and this is my way of making it up to her plus the whole being loyal to our fellow readers of course.
I’ve heard from some bloggers that after a while blogging becomes difficult, tiresome and just requires lots of effort to be able to deliver a piece of a particular standard. I thought I’d probably face that problem a couple months from now but here i am, just after one post and i already cant think of stuff to write about. I might be suffering from what’s known as writer’s block but then again you’d actually have to be a writer to suffer from that so I’m guessing that’s not it. Honestly i think it comes down to lack of inspiration. Lately it’s all been the same, nothing new, nothing different, nothing adventurous and more important nothing inspiring.
It made me sit back and reflect about the past year or so. A lot has changed in my life and i guess after a while you become numb to the changes. So much has been happening that i haven’t had the time to fully react to everything. Wicked’s latest post hit close to home. It got me thinking about loss, not so much in the sense of death but loss in general.
There’s nothing worse than realizing that you’ve lost someone for good. At first comes denial, nothing makes sense, you try to convince yourself otherwise, you begin to tell yourself it’s just temporary, you’ll be okay, you’ll move on, life is better off without them. Second the harsh reality of their soon to be permanent absence hits you, and when it does, it hits you hard. Everything runs in slow motion for a period of time. You’re numb to everything and everyone. People think that they need to give you advice, talk you through it when honestly you only need them to be around. You don’t want them to talk cause that only means it’s true, it’s really happening. You start to reminisce, the good memories come first. You relive them one by one. It hurts, it hurts more than ever now and you wish you can stop but you cant. It’s like a video playing in your head. No matter how much you cry, no matter how much people tell you it’s gonna be okay, you can never seem to make the pain go away. You get used to life with them, life with them by your side, you imagined a future with them in it but all of a sudden it all comes shattering down. You try to collect the pieces, put them together but it just wont go back. Third, and this comes after a short period of time. The good memories don’t come anymore, now it’s just the bad and the ugly. I guess it’s a dealing mechanism but you start to hate them. You hate them for all the things they did to you. You hate them for what they once meant to you but not anymore. You hate them for all the lies, betrayal and pain they put the people you love most through. Most importantly though, you hate them for abandoning you, for making you lose them, for becoming a fading memory. You want them to hurt just as much, to suffer but most of all you want them to feel your suffering, your pain for what they put you through. At this point, an apology means nothing but not getting one is even worse. Fourth, you get over the pain. You don’t remember the good, bad or the ugly. You just don’t remember any of it. Call it post-traumatic stress disorder, call it whatever you want. I call it healing, forgetting, moving on. You don’t want anything from them. You don’t even want them to hurt anymore cause they stopped being a part of your life. Eventually you don’t care enough to wish them anything, the good or the bad. You realize life is shitty and you either come out of it in one piece, proud of who you are and what you achieved without them or you let it get to you and you’re damaged for life. Fifth, you decide you wanna be the first case. You move on. Life moves on. You want to prove you can make it without them. You end up in medicine trying to make something decent of yourself :p

Glam Doc

"Freakonomics"

2007-03-25T19:09:00.000+03:00

So I've decided to make a new addition to our blog.. BOOK REVIEWS! Allow me to begin with a brief review of an exceptionally interesting book I just finished reading..

"Freakonomics"
By: Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner

I've always had a fascination with the unknown. That hidden side of things that we rarely look into, the one that many people fear- it intrigues me. The authors of this book have explored that side from an economist's point of view, and put it into words. And I found it to be a really interesting book.. It's informative, and it enlightens you to look at the world differently, to find a deeper meaning in things, to broaden your horizons.
"Brilliant" is an understatement.

Just a FEW of my favorite quotes:
"Information is a beacon, a cudgel, an olive branch, a deterrent, depending on who wields it and how. Information is so powerful that the assumption of information, even if the information does not actually exist, can have a sobering effect."

"Has there ever been another art so devoutly converted into a science as the art of parenting?"

"An expert must be bold if he hopes to alchemize his homespun theory into conventional wisdom. His best chance of doing so is to engage the public's emotions, for emotion is the enemy of rational argument. And as emotions go, one of them-fear-is more potent than the rest."

"If morality represents an ideal world, then economics represents the actual world."

"The most likely result of having read this book is a simple one: you may find yourself asking a lot of questions. Many of them will lead to nothing. But some will produce answers that are interesting, even surprising."

p.s. This is NOT an attempt to copy "The Saudi Book Club" in any way.. I just thought it would be a cute and intellectual addition to our blog..

Savvy Doc.

Entrapment

2007-03-24T14:26:00.000+03:00

Ever come to this feeling where u feel trapped, i dnt just mean physically trapped, but in an emotional way too, like u just want to peel off your skin, or scream out LOUD! Ive been experiencing this feeling for quiet awhile now, and ive got to say its a feeling i wouldn't wish on my rivals, coz no one deserves to experience such suffering! The really intruiging part is that there's nothing that's causing me to experience such emotions, i guess it partially hormonal, but most of guys know the hormonal phase and am pretty sure its not what this is!
A part of me can't help but think that its due to the influence ppl have on me, not a +ve one! Ppl can't fail to disappoint me....yes disappointment, such a strong word, and I of all ppl have had my share of it and could go on and on about it, but not just yet!! but until then...

LOUD ...

Why?

2007-03-23T18:18:00.000+03:00

I don’t get death .. why do people die .. I know that I shouldn’t say or think these things but I can’t help it .. I can’t help but think why .. why do we all fade away with time .. why do we all turn into nothing .. why can’t we all go at the same time .. what about the people who are too precious to fade away .. who will remember them .. why does it hurt to think of them .. people say they live in our memories .. but what about when our memories play tricks on us .. what about when you can’t remember those who are precious anymore .. you can see a fading image you can’t hold on to no matter how hard you try .. and that image keeps moving farther and farther away .. and as it keeps fading you fight to hold on to it .. you fight to grab it and pull it closer to you .. or at least to keep it right where it is because you know you can’t live with youself if you let it fade any more than that .. but no matter what you do the memories will keep fading and fading until they vanish .. and that person you’ve tried to hold on to for so long after their time was done has left.

Wicked Doc.

Random.

2007-03-19T21:52:00.000+03:00

Things I miss about living OUTSIDE of our beloved Kingdom:

FRESH AIR (maybe it's just me but no matter how cold the weather is I always feel there's a level of stuffiness in the air I inhale)
Early-morning jogs
Early mornings!
Driving (I SWEAR IT'S THERAPY!)
Bookstores with cute little cafes that are still open after the rest of the world has fallen asleep
Random strangers coming up to you and asking you where you're from.. and then the look on their face when they find out you're from KSA.. and the INTERESTING list of questions that comes along with it :p
Colourful autumns.. Snowy winters.. Rainy springs.. Warm (rather than excruciatingly HOT) summers..
Shopping.. And everything about it.. the atmosphere, the variety, the friendly salespeople that aren't flirty and/or freaky
Red mailboxes (SADLY non-existent here..hmm I wonder why)
Being able to just walk and walk and WALK your heart out whenever you're in the mood (outdoors of course)
Going months or even YEARS without getting ANY prank phone calls, perverted text messages, and/or photos of guys sent to you via multimedia messages (YES they do that now :S)
The park on a Saturday afternoon
Spending a Sunday at home .. just chillin..
Movie and IMAX theaters
Being snowed-in.. at home.. and waiting for the announcement on TV or the radio saying that school/work is cancelled for the day!
All my childhood memories :)

Things I'd miss if/WHEN (Inshallah!) I live outside of Saudi Arabia again:

The occasional family gathering
Ramadan (it's not nearly as spiritual when you spend it abroad)
The sound of the athaan (ie. "call for prayer")
Being a car-ride away from Makkah :)
My friends
Balsamico's olive appetizer thing :p

*sigh*

p.s: Just to make it clear.. I would never consider moving out of this place for good.. I only need a temporary recovery period from this ongoing (5 years and counting) culture shock.. After all, this IS home and I really do love it.. but everyone needs a break every once in a while, don't they? "Distance makes the heart grow fonder"!?

Savvy Doc.

A Certain Element of Uncertainty (lesson 5)

2007-03-18T21:02:00.000+03:00

By the end of this entry… Continuous continuations x5

"Life sucks…then you die!"

The latter is inevitable, but the first depends on a persons own perception of their own life. My life doesn't suck, sure I've had my ups and downs but at the end God has blessed me beyond what I can fathom. Just look at what I have. Despite that, I can't help but wonder if I had more.

I'm nowhere near like my social circle, and some of the turns in my life haven't exactly been what I've expected as a high school student. Who thought I'd end up with the person I've had an infatuation with since 1998 (mashallah)! It's slightly daunting to just THINK. I want to go blank for five minutes, stop thinking of life and everything that comes with it. Everything that we have. We always want what we can't have and I'm having a hard time to accept that.

I have accepted many things, because life just goes on and I AM happy. The thing is that a few things have been controlling my emotions for the past few weeks- I'm going to explode. Its an over surge of feelings, it's the jumble that I can't quite understand. Too much to take right now, I'm just too tiered and sad.

I think its something that I will always feel, it's one of my worst feelings (only second to being lonely with so many people around you!)…sadness. I want to be happy the majority of the time…not sad, its tear-jerking. Yes, I cry myself to sleep…It's my lullaby- I'm losing my sanity.

Loss- I am not exactly the best person at coping with it. Death, as I have recently found out, crumbles me down. Even if it is a mere long distance that separates us, the makes us lose, I can't see people just keep on going away. It's not a need, but I want people around me…I can't support myself, call me weak but I can't. Loss is sometimes inevitable, sometimes people have to go…sometimes people change.

Change- it happens, and I've always readjusted. I know I can, and will, but it's too overwhelming. I've gone through so much in my life that I'd like to stop. For one moment. Drain everything away. My eyes have seen it all…and yet there is still more to see. More I have to see. My elements are but a series of continuous continuations.

iDOC

"I Want Candy" (lesson 4)

2007-03-17T22:19:00.000+03:00

By the end of this entry I would have mentioned Candy as 4 different things. I like metaphors. *advertisement guy voice* in association with "Human Nature".

I respect human nature so much that when it goes against me I tend to get so disappointed. I suppose when mom used to warn me about people who merely smiled for my friendship, for my trust, I should've listened to her.

I want candy. My favorite is usually sour, but today I'm in the mood for something sweet. Sourness, is in a way like bitterness. How can any one feel like that? I've felt it, I hated it, but can you help it? Everyday people jump at you from different angles throwing random punches. Yes…it hurts, but today I decided not to take it too hard anymore. I learnt, but I learnt the hard way…that despite the innocence of human nature, selfishness, and maybe a little bit of naivety, is still intertwined… I may need to re-define human nature.

I had candy. But in its presence I was a little child (it's true when they equated something easily done to taking candy from a baby, "Easier than taking candy from a baby", because it is easy). My candy, was deep within me (it's only human nature, after all)…my own personal naivety made it that way, it was easy to give it out, I'm sorry, but I can't anymore…in a way it was taken away from, and it was the best candy I ever had. I can forgive, because that's what I do.

What happened to candy? It's a little sad for me right now. If you know me, you'd know of the several difficult encounters I had this last couple of weeks (and some you don't know off) and whenever I think about it, I get even more sad. I block it, but its hard…it's human nature.

People told me from the beginning of the year to make the best of this year, for many reasons, I think the rest of you know what the primary reason is…I tried, I'm still trying, and I have many memories, both happy and sad, to carry with me when I grow up and many friends who have sculptured my life for almost a year now (some of them for more), and in the future I will be so happy telling my children about these years…but I'll make sure I'll tell them that life is like candy…and that's for you, the reader, to take in whatever meaning you want…

iDOC

Life's Trilogy -Part II-

2007-03-16T21:53:00.000+03:00

Mood: Full of Life
Listening to: Buddha Bar

Life's Trilogy
-II-
LiFE,, what an iNSPIRATION!!!

"Everything is clearer when you're in love." ~John Lennon

Now now don't get too excited this blog isn't about "falling in love", even though i feel that the L in Life's Trilogy should be for LOVE, i still want the trilogy of Life a series, and what's a "series" without tragedy or drama!!
My perception of love is influenced by many examples of people themselves or their quoets. Two of them remain close to my heart
"a many splendid thing"~IDOC..An emotive blog of love..
and Mr.Lennon here, Love is a reason for seeing things clearer ..A Beautiful indication of love
I strongly empathize with the previous hypothesis of love, for love is a great :
inspiration

From the great wide open ,
the miracle of birth
and
From LOVE

..We find inspiration..

Inspiration is the divine guidance or influence exerted directly on the mind and soul of humankind.That's inspiration in dictionaries. *don't you love the way they put "things" into words*So it's a Guide to the mind and soul.In addition ,my persuasion of Inspiration is that it's the difference between the living and dead.If you are not inspired by at least your conscious, surroundings, feelings, book's facts or fictions then you are both spiritually and mentally DEAD!!,,Let's check one of your vital signs:
*Breathing*
*looking around;

living people

They passes us each day*gosh how many are they?*.To be one of them; breathing, thinking ,talking, walking touching feeling, tasting ,hearing, seeing shitting/peeing, socializing bitching and moaning..
Your not a number, your are one
..Be Inspired..

Our own Human Body,

To learn the pathology,physiology anatomy histology embryology neurology biochemistry and nutrition of this body
Don't just know, understand
..Be inspired..

Music

Rock,Metal, Pop,Jazz , Classical , Blues, Rhythm ,Melodic ,and Hip Hop
sure listen to music, but listen to yourself too!!
..Be inspired..!

Family

Your Mother, the person you owe your life to, Your father the one you love but show only respect to.Your Brother/Sister, who give life a meaning.To Have them in your life is a blessing, a reason for happiness...
..Be inspired..

Another Source of inspiration in which i find motivation and excitement:

Friends..;)

Take the bloggers for example,

Classy Doc,
Will inspire you to be elegant!! ;P

Glam Doc,
Will fix you a dress in no time! ;P

iDOC,
She's got the i ,IDOC alone is an inspiration!

Loud Doc,
Wildness has no limits but Loudness will give you a headache ;P

Perky Doc,
Sunshine is shin less without her around ;)

Savvy Doc,
Yeah ...you'll definitely be inspired ;P

Sporty Doc,
Life is a "game" and so is Medicine! ;P

Wicked Doc,
Sensitivity may come in many "Alternative" s ;)

LOVE,Joy, laughter, sorrow, grief, boredm , pleasure, guilt sins, deeds and other stimulants and
actions.They are subjected to human but inspiring to human beings!!
God Gave us the greatest gift on earth, the human brain and soul.Hence, if you can arouse them to a high level of feeling and activity!! Why waste time living when you can

Be inspired..

Be inspired to look around,explore,give more & speak less.... for once let your actions speak for you!
Read, travel, learn,meet people,and eat healthy. Just live out there !

Be inspired because inspiration is essential for the continuation of life..
Why!!

Well, we all know that;
Inspiration:it is he act of inhaling; the drawing in of air as in breathing.. ;)

life will inspire,
So Breath!

Vintage..

P.S. My inspirations mensiod to the bloggers were brief, i intended to keep it that way so that the post won't take over the page ;P.A small preview of the distinctive characters behind!!

2007-03-14T23:47:00.000+03:00

Big Brother

Reasons why I always wanted an older brother:
I’m the eldest. I do love it, and love the attention it brings with it.
When you’re the youngest or the middle one, there’s always someone looking out for you. You feel like you constantly have that one cozy embrace that can make your day, that shoulder to cry on, that person to protect you.
That person to look up to.
No pressure.

To feel protected by someone…who’s wise and understands what goes on in my head without judging. There’s this part of me that KNOWS that I’d have been a completely different person if I had one. Don’t know if to better or to worse, but I’d have changed there’s no doubt about that.

Naturally, I’m thankful of course that I am the way I am now.
I’m independent, yet there are things I can never do on my own (people often think my sister is the older one because she acts like it, or MAYBE it's because sometimes I act like I'm my brother's age :P
it's a de-stressing technique, poor thing she's seen too many 'techniques' lol)

I literally built myself block by block over the years, and it’s so easy for a whole building to collapse when one block accidentally slips out of place. You always have another chance to reconstruct your building back to its original summit, as long as the pillars have not been weakened by the constant falling or the drastic collapse, you have a second chance.

I just always wondered how it’d feel if I had an older brother to play my role for ME, or to have someone to lean on at the times of my weakness (we all have our moments, but I can't afford to succumb to those moments when I'm supposedly the person my siblings look up to…yes nobody is perfect…Perfection is only in the hands of God), when all I need is a hug from that older understanding loving brother.

Words wouldn’t be necessary. Communication would be far deeper than mere words. He’d read my emotions through
my eyes.
I’m transparent
if you know the language my eyes speak. I was never able to hide through them.
Happiness, sadness, love, concern, hurt, shyness, anger…I could hide through putting on a smile, but you’ll only be sure one way.

I must say though that I love my siblings to death! I’d do EVERYTHING I could to protect them and be there for them whenever they need me Allah yi7meehom. If anyone ever offends them, even if it was merely ‘verbally’, I could literally put up a fight. (It’s happened before…but never again ilhamdilah…people start knowing on their own after it happens once.)

I learned something of utmost interest. You’ve all heard it before, but I’ve seen it. We tend to treat the people we love and care about the way WE want to be treated. So true.

P.S. I was inspired by a friend of mine to talk about this topic the other day since it was brought up and it means a lot to me…
I actually wrote all this on my phone as a msg and saved it as a draft! :) keep inspiring me people, you've been great.

Your one and only....Perky Doc. ;)

Today's lesson: Confidence.

2007-03-13T21:16:00.000+03:00

Here is the fact, my first basketball game in the tournament is next week and I stress out whenever I remember this fact. I know that its nothing of great importance to many, but its a big thing to me cuz whenever i perform so0o well in a game and hear all those comments and cheering from other team members I feel like, like they've injected a dose of confidence into my circulation and my heart beats faster, it's like am in this euphoria phase, and to be honest this sensation is addictive. However, in this particular moment I lack this confidence in myself in my performing abilities "due to psychological and physical factors", which is not helping!!! But today in uni something happened, that inspired me. Here's what happened...

Me and 2 of my blogger friends were walking out of the dissection class and out of nowhere a 165 cm "this is an estimate" female approaches me, she asked me a question " she was looking for this girl" that I never even heared saying cuz I was too distracted by "you can call it a costume" she was wearing. She was wearing a long black skirt and a pink shirt "now this sound normal but this is not the end" and had two rod-shaped metallic pieces each terminated with a yellow spongy ball that were sticking out of her head and many things as in objects "dangling" from her hair and clothes, you can tell that i lost my sense of description!!! >>>>"alzebda">she looked like a freak!! Nevertheless she was walking full of confidence from top to bottom across the uni where everyone was staring at her including my 2 blogger friends with an open mouth, and she noticed that but pretended like nothing is happening!!! Despite how freaky and weird she looked like, I respected this girl for her confidence cuz it requires alot of it to do this!!

Summary: Basically have confidence in yourself!!!!

Notice: no animals nor humans were harmed during this event!

sporty Doc.

Change... a natural route in life

2007-03-12T23:05:00.000+03:00

Its part of human nature to change. Every person changes, sometimes for the better and some times for worse. And God knows i've changed immensely in the past few years, and I actually have the courage to step up and admit that its for the worse!!
You dn't really know how bad things are turning out to be coz ur living the situation. you know its bad when an outsider comments on it! And yes things are pretty FU**ED up right now and i mean really f....(excuse the lang.)
As a child you grow up tinking you're gonna be something great, no one expects themselves to be just ordinary, its human nature. It has come to my attention that am I am BENEATH ordinary, that's when u know u've just hit rock bottom. And im admitting that i need help!! everyone needs help every once inawhile.
Btw i think this is a good time for a public appology! I know we're supposed to be anonymous, but those who do know me,and HAVE noticed my weirdness lateley im sorry if i've broken out on u or offended u in an way in the past two weeks, am goin through a rough time, and i know that doesnt give me the privelage to treat u guys like crap, just bear me for the next few days , this is a horrible time of year for me (the age issue :S) but its almost over!!
So ppl change, ive changed, and so have you! Change is inevitable, just make it work for you!! Take it from a person who hates what she's turned into!!

>LOUD<>

My ABC's.

2007-03-12T21:29:00.000+03:00

A is for Answer. Perhaps we will find one. Perhaps not. Sometimes it's best to stop looking for any.
B is for Be. All you will be. All you have been. All you will ever become.
C is for Corruption. It surrounds us; in every broken home, every land at war, every lost soul wandering this earth.
D is for Deceit. Thin line separating it from trust.
E is for Escape. The act of running away from the reality of your fears.
F is for Faith. It's all we have in the end.
G is for Good. All the good that remains buried in the harshest cruelty.
H is for Heaven. Where everything is perfect.
I. Intellect. Innocence. Insecurity.
J is for Journey. The journey of life which you can either surrender to or indulge in.
K is for Keep. Know when to keep those few cherished things, people, or promises, and when to let them go.
L is for Love. A mystery.
M is for Miss. I MISS YOU.
N. Nothing.
O is for the Odd One Out. Possibly myself.
P is for Perfect. Always strived for; seldom reached.
Q is for Question. What's yours?
R is for Reminisce. For old time's sake.
S is for Smile: it does wonders. Solitude: learn to savour it.
T is for Trust. A joke.
U is for Unique. Be yourself.
V is for Virtue. To be morally excellent; to live with a conscience.
W is for White: snow, peace, the opposite of black. Words: They are failing me. Wisdom: The art of knowing. World: Infinitely small.
X marks the spot.
Y is for You. My better half.
Z is for Zeal. A priceless investment.

Savvy Doc.

Pink Mini i-Pod and Snow

2007-03-10T18:50:00.000+03:00

By the end of this entry, I would've mentioned a friend 26 times

A Snow-angel she made herself, and bloomed into some one Pink mini i-Pod(P. M. i. P.) is so fortunate to add to her play list. She is P. M. i. P.'s affair, the other "person", but with a difference. Snow is P. M. i. P.'s sanity when insane, and P. M. i. P. is Snows insanity when far too sane for her own good (:P).

Contrary to the name, Snow is never cold, Snow is warm, and fills the room with love, though Snow finds it difficult to believe in! Snows' enthusiasm graces the world, fills it with excitement and happiness (as does snow on Christmas day!). When Snow is sad…"betrayed", she melts, nothing breaks her down more, but Snow easily finds her way back to the right temperature.

When mixed with black Snows' "Grey". You are proud to know Snow, and always want the best for her, hopefully one day Snow'll meet her own shepherd, to show her the love she finds difficult to believe in…

Though this is short, Snow is not underappreciated, but to put this appreciation into words is difficult, Snow is rare…P. M. i. P. is in awe, to have the chance to know Snow.

iDOC

Life's Trilogy -Part I-

2007-03-09T00:28:00.000+03:00

Mood: emotionally stressed out!
Listening to: A Warm Place by NIN

Life's Trilogy
-I-
Where There’s Life, There’s Loss

"The Only Fear that Humans shall bare, The breaking of those promises which are made to those who mean everything to us.." - Paul Coelho

From tears shed for the gone beloveds
From voices trapped within
From a lost identity
Outcrying speculations,
we lose..

losing is missing,
I miss the distant, I miss the near, and mostly I miss the GONE!!
losing is dispossessing,
I dispossess my health, I dispossess my body, but mostly I dispossess my SOUL!!
losing is being defeated,
and I surrender

Where There’s Life, There’s Loss
we lose
no matter how damaged, wasted or destructed
we surrender!
to whom?!
To people, life or to Fate!
and what brings us "back"?
Salvation, strength or Faith!

Never Lose it, keep empowering it, and you will gain everything..

To the gone,
To the lost,
I miss you so much....

Vintage doc..

The "Thing."

2007-03-02T21:51:00.000+03:00

The thing is, this is harder than I thought it would be. This whole blog thing, it's not easy. It's not the writing that I find difficult; that part isn't really a problem considering how writing is one of my favorite pastimes (unfortunately there aren't many creative writing opportunities in med school.) So yeah, I can write when I'm in the mood (il7amdillah- I consider it a blessing), and I do write whenever I'm inspired or need to get something out of my system. And I love words. I love putting words together. I love the way they sound in your head when you're reading something or listening to yourself think. I love the eloquence and flow of all that is beautifully written. But this blog writing, it's a first for me, and for some reason I'm reluctant to open up to the world (literally- the WORLD wide web!) I'm beginning to think it's not my thing, but I'm not willing to give up before I've barely taken off. You're probably all wondering why I'm making it an issue, because, (assuming that the majority of those reading this are bloggers themselves) you probably didn't and/or wouldn't give this a second thought. Most of you probably created your blogs because you want to share your story with the world. But with me, it's different. To me, writing is about pouring your heart out on paper, and making it all sound so perfect that when you reread what you wrote, no matter how sad or frustrating or horrific the issue, you can't help but dwell in the power and meaningfulness of the words. I'm not into fictional writing for the mere reason that I don't feel I have a vivid enough imagination to thrive there. So when I write, I write what's on my mind, I share my thoughts, I express my feelings, I unfold my inner self. That's what's making this so difficult- I don't like to (or to put it bluntly- I CAN'T) open up to anyone and everyone, yet at the same time I do want to share my words with the world, if it's willing to listen of course. Give me some time. I'll figure something out.

Savvy Doc.

"Love is a Many Splendid Thing" (lesson 3)

2007-03-01T15:51:00.000+03:00

By the end of this entry I would have said the word "love" (or another form of it) 32 times

It's my ever-lasting debate, a dilemma. What should I make my priority in life? It's easy for anyone to say "your family" or "your education" but when you experience the vices and virtues of both, when you love both ever so much, maybe then you'll realize how hard the decision is to make. n

University. It's a dream come true, it's one of the things I hold so dear to my heart, and top it off, the ability to enroll in such a prestigious faculty and study something I have always been fascinated with, the human body. I can't even comprehend how lucky I am to be able to study something I love so much. People say you can study it in so many different faculties, but this is different. I was once speaking to a friend, they asked me why I really wanted medicine, my answer…I'll keep that for later. n

Pause for a second and ask yourself, what is love? Is it merely a feeling, or is a physical change occurring in ones body? To me it is both. Love is a feeling, something that I hope everyone gets a chance to feel however beautiful, or painful it may be, losing it hurts, but gaining it fills you with an unbelievable energy. Love is a physical change, physiologically speaking, hormonal. Someone once told me "To be in love is not being able to go to sleep because reality is finally better than your dreams", and though I believe that, I still have my occasional doubts. n

Love is beautiful. To love your family, your job, to love a particular drink or even to love the color of the new shirt you bought. Love, it takes over you, you feel it because it touches you, your skin, your heart, your whole being. It takes over you. n

Love is painful. To lose a loved one, to hurt a loved one, or to be hurt by a loved one. Love is scary. To fall in love with someone, to feel like your very being is because of them, it's scary. The concept of living them, breathing them, sacrificing for them. What if you are faced with such an important decision in your life, two things you love, but you know that later in life, however hard you work to make them both work out for the better, one of them will have more priority to you than the other. You know the outcome won't be good. But you have to choose. What do you do? Give up on one to keep the other, . "I told you so" hurts. n

Many sacrifices have been made, but never the less the feeling still remains. Why do I want medicine… to help people, I want to help those who can't help themselves. You can say that that’s so clichéd, but it's the truth. many of the student around me, and some of the best ones too, are in med-school for the money, for the prestige, for their families wishes. I want medicine to help people, I love to help people, I don’t care if it won't even make me any money what so ever, for as long as I can help. Maybe I'm dreaming too big, but that's what I want. But what is help, if you cant help yourself. If you can't help your family, the people that you love the most. b

I am always told this. Make your priorities clear, to you, for you. It's hard though. Right now, I can't even differentiate between which t-shirt looks better the orange or the pink (somehow always ending up wearing pink :P) . I am far from a selfish person. One can make promises all day long, but none are for sure. You don't know that in 2 days time you're going to be able to bake the cake you promised for your son's tenth birthday, you don't know if your going to be able to make your car-pooling turn, you don't know if you will be able to make your family your number one priority all your life in 5 years time, when you are at the height of your career. I've seen people who have done that, gave their all to their families, and ended up broken hearted, stuck in a relationship that they don't want, can't love and aren't loved, and they are in too deep to break away. I've also seen those who ignored their families and ended up alone, bitter over love lost and aren't loved. I've also come across the few people who were able to keep both things, but whatever they say, they still know that one thing is taking up more of their time. Is there anyway of making a balance. Yin Yang. Is that even a true concept? c

Can people balance their love for two things or is it always a balance between two opposites, black and white? I feel unfaithful, and I hate that feeling. I know this isn't supposed to be about me, but I can't help but wonder how I'll feel in a few years from now, I can't help but think of what will become of me. Is it right to choose love? I chose to love, I chose love, but love is somehow not uncovering it self just as the "splendid thing" that it truly is, and I am blessed to have, because love…is also, a many horrific thing. b

iDOC

Pink Mini i-POD and Peaches

2007-02-26T17:21:00.000+03:00

By the end of this entry, I would have mentioned a friend 12 times

I'm contemplating studying, but I have a mental block. I'm trying to understand the reason behind it, I guess it's my dependency on certain people who exist in my life, their presence makes me want to be a better person, then they're gone I feel a little…empty. I have a fear that this reliance will change soon, when my habitat changes…I will depend on something/someone else who just isn't there. It'll ware off.

I love Peaches, And pink mini i-Pod and Peaches are the greatest combination. Together they serve as pillars for one another, supporting all the senses, making them melodically in tune. Peaches is sweet, and soothing when pink mini i-pod is bitching, pink mini i-pod plays the music that Peaches requires to feel better, to laugh, to cry. Peaches knows how to make you feel great, and never hurts you…something to do with all the vitamins. Though Peaches is hard on the inside, she truly is soft, but not weak, Peaches is strong…

People have their "person", the one being that you'd confined in, the one person you can joke with and neither one would get offended, and the one person you'd want to "know first" (if you get my drift!), Peaches is that to Pink mini i-pod. Pink mini i-pod hopes it'll always stay that way, because she loves Peaches so much.

iDOC