Untitled I: On Exams and Mankind.

I am afraid. Terrified, petrified, horrified. Downright scared. I never felt this way before about exams. What makes med school so special as to scare me witless?

All I wanted to do as a child was to live in a huge observatory in the middle of the desert and look at the stars. Did you know that I actually have a map of the Moon?

The chain of actions that lead me to where I am today are rather vague to me. I know the general outline but I can’t pinpoint when or where my life took such a drastic turn. Yes, “drastic”; not for lack of a better word, but for it being the most suitable to describe this turn of events.

Tranquillity occupies one of the highest ranks in my life and I traded it for this hectic existence. Do I really want to help people so badly? Does the human race really deserve my peace of mind? Does the human race deserve anything at all?

“Suppose, gentlemen, that man is not stupid. (Really, it is quite impossible to say he is, for the sole reason that if he is stupid, who then is intelligent?) But even if he isn’t stupid, all the same he’s monstrously ungrateful! Phenomenally ungrateful. I even think the best definition of man is: a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful”*

Does the human race deserve anything at all? I still want to live in the middle of the sand dunes away from civilization.

Mental Doc

* Fyodor Dostoevsky’s “Notes From Underground”