5 Steps of Moving On

So, Savvy has been bugging me about posting a new entry and I’m guessing it’s about time. See I upset Savvy a few days ago and this is my way of making it up to her plus the whole being loyal to our fellow readers of course.
I’ve heard from some bloggers that after a while blogging becomes difficult, tiresome and just requires lots of effort to be able to deliver a piece of a particular standard. I thought I’d probably face that problem a couple months from now but here i am, just after one post and i already cant think of stuff to write about. I might be suffering from what’s known as writer’s block but then again you’d actually have to be a writer to suffer from that so I’m guessing that’s not it. Honestly i think it comes down to lack of inspiration. Lately it’s all been the same, nothing new, nothing different, nothing adventurous and more important nothing inspiring.
It made me sit back and reflect about the past year or so. A lot has changed in my life and i guess after a while you become numb to the changes. So much has been happening that i haven’t had the time to fully react to everything. Wicked’s latest post hit close to home. It got me thinking about loss, not so much in the sense of death but loss in general.
There’s nothing worse than realizing that you’ve lost someone for good. At first comes denial, nothing makes sense, you try to convince yourself otherwise, you begin to tell yourself it’s just temporary, you’ll be okay, you’ll move on, life is better off without them. Second the harsh reality of their soon to be permanent absence hits you, and when it does, it hits you hard. Everything runs in slow motion for a period of time. You’re numb to everything and everyone. People think that they need to give you advice, talk you through it when honestly you only need them to be around. You don’t want them to talk cause that only means it’s true, it’s really happening. You start to reminisce, the good memories come first. You relive them one by one. It hurts, it hurts more than ever now and you wish you can stop but you cant. It’s like a video playing in your head. No matter how much you cry, no matter how much people tell you it’s gonna be okay, you can never seem to make the pain go away. You get used to life with them, life with them by your side, you imagined a future with them in it but all of a sudden it all comes shattering down. You try to collect the pieces, put them together but it just wont go back. Third, and this comes after a short period of time. The good memories don’t come anymore, now it’s just the bad and the ugly. I guess it’s a dealing mechanism but you start to hate them. You hate them for all the things they did to you. You hate them for what they once meant to you but not anymore. You hate them for all the lies, betrayal and pain they put the people you love most through. Most importantly though, you hate them for abandoning you, for making you lose them, for becoming a fading memory. You want them to hurt just as much, to suffer but most of all you want them to feel your suffering, your pain for what they put you through. At this point, an apology means nothing but not getting one is even worse. Fourth, you get over the pain. You don’t remember the good, bad or the ugly. You just don’t remember any of it. Call it post-traumatic stress disorder, call it whatever you want. I call it healing, forgetting, moving on. You don’t want anything from them. You don’t even want them to hurt anymore cause they stopped being a part of your life. Eventually you don’t care enough to wish them anything, the good or the bad. You realize life is shitty and you either come out of it in one piece, proud of who you are and what you achieved without them or you let it get to you and you’re damaged for life. Fifth, you decide you wanna be the first case. You move on. Life moves on. You want to prove you can make it without them. You end up in medicine trying to make something decent of yourself :p

Glam Doc