By the end of this entry… Continuous continuations x5
"Life sucks…then you die!"
The latter is inevitable, but the first depends on a persons own perception of their own life. My life doesn't suck, sure I've had my ups and downs but at the end God has blessed me beyond what I can fathom. Just look at what I have. Despite that, I can't help but wonder if I had more.
I'm nowhere near like my social circle, and some of the turns in my life haven't exactly been what I've expected as a high school student. Who thought I'd end up with the person I've had an infatuation with since 1998 (mashallah)! It's slightly daunting to just THINK. I want to go blank for five minutes, stop thinking of life and everything that comes with it. Everything that we have. We always want what we can't have and I'm having a hard time to accept that.
I have accepted many things, because life just goes on and I AM happy. The thing is that a few things have been controlling my emotions for the past few weeks- I'm going to explode. Its an over surge of feelings, it's the jumble that I can't quite understand. Too much to take right now, I'm just too tiered and sad.
I think its something that I will always feel, it's one of my worst feelings (only second to being lonely with so many people around you!)…sadness. I want to be happy the majority of the time…not sad, its tear-jerking. Yes, I cry myself to sleep…It's my lullaby- I'm losing my sanity.
Loss- I am not exactly the best person at coping with it. Death, as I have recently found out, crumbles me down. Even if it is a mere long distance that separates us, the makes us lose, I can't see people just keep on going away. It's not a need, but I want people around me…I can't support myself, call me weak but I can't. Loss is sometimes inevitable, sometimes people have to go…sometimes people change.
Change- it happens, and I've always readjusted. I know I can, and will, but it's too overwhelming. I've gone through so much in my life that I'd like to stop. For one moment. Drain everything away. My eyes have seen it all…and yet there is still more to see. More I have to see. My elements are but a series of continuous continuations.
iDOC
3 comments:
life is cruel. it takes of us, never gives back, and demands more.
carry ur scars with pride, for they make u into the person you are.
but life is beautiful underneath all this cruelty.
Life truly is beautiful...and life will always show difficulty, it will never be flawless, if it were it would be boring! Sometimes it has an intricate way of ingraving these scars into your very depths...the ugly thing, is that you will always remember, impossible to forget, the beautifull thing is that you can forgive...at the end it's always just a "misunderstanding"!
iDOC
A certain Element..
I'm sure it's a particle if not a PART of you that's growing..
May be it has grown too much, too much that you are beginning to suspect a mass
It is a mass..
WEIGHT that you won't bare but SURPRISINGLY already did..
"at the end it's always just a "misunderstanding""
Now that's the musical theme of "The Hurt Play" in life's theater..
Listening to it,I revere the artist ,and salute the HUMAN..
Uncertainty..
....
War Will End, Loss will be over-estimated and Peace will finally Fall upon thee and you may fall apart ...
...you MAY!
..V..
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